I laid in bed and looked up at my ceiling. Words can't explain how amazing it feels to be with him, but I know what I'm doing is shameful and wrong.
Completely wrong.
"Look at me" he softly said. I turned to face him and looked into his captivating eyes. He studied my face for a few seconds. He came closer and hovered over me. I looked at his flawless face and addicting smile.
I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. He gently kissed me as I ran one hand through his soft hair and the other stayed on his chest. Then we stopped, took some air, and he spoke up again.
"You're beautiful, everything about you is perfect".
If I'm so beautiful and perfect then why aren't you with me?
Why are you still with her?
That's what I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.
Instead I reached for his hand and played with his fingers with a smile I couldn't hold in.
"Thank you" I softly said.
He was in the middle of caressing my face when his phone rang. I got a glimpse at the caller ID and it was Bruna.
My heart ached, and I clenched my eyes shut. I pulled away, got up from the bed, and put my silk robe on.
It hurt, it always hurts. It hurts knowing that I'm not good enough for him to leave her. It makes me mad, yet I'm not in any place to act like a victim.
After all, I'm Bruna's friend.
Right? No, I'm wrong. Friends aren't supposed to do this type of stuff.
At least I don't think so.
I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I took a look in the mirror, and ran a hand through my hair.
"What are you doing with yourself?" I told the reflection in the mirror.
I could hear his voice through the walls.
"Hey baby, what's up?" He asked her.
Maybe I am a victim.
"Alright that sounds great. I'll see you then."
The way he makes me feel. It hurts.
"Where are you?" He asked her.
The way he's got me wrapped around his fingers.
"Alright, I love you"
He makes me vulnerable.
Maybe I am a victim.
I walked out the bathroom, and looked into his eyes. He was putting his shirt back on, and saying things that he thought would be comforting.
"I'm so sorry, you know I'd stay here the whole night if I could."
I crossed my arms and looked down at my feet.
"Right", I mumbled.
He came closer to me and held my face again.
" Hey, I love you. Mariana, you know that. Please don't be upset." His eyes didn't leave mine and I tried hard to not be dumbfounded by them.
He hugged me but I didn't bother hugging back. I just breathed in his scent.
He's not yours
"I gotta go, I'll see you as soon as we can meet up again." He leaned in for a kiss but I didn't take it. I tried to be as apathetic as possible.
"I'm sorry" he apologized again.
I heard him take in a deep breath behind me and his foot steps further and further away until he closed to door. Then his car took off.
Once again I was laying in my bed looking up at the ceiling. But this time I had no one next to me.
Neymar Da Silva Santos, what are you doing to me?
