CAPTIVES

2. Captives

Chapter Two- Regrets

The tiny square of light has long disappeared, and the air in the cellar has, impossibly, grown even colder. I wrap my arms around my knees and huddle close to Elsie and Lukas for warmth. Elsie's head is resting on my shoulder, and she is fast asleep. I envy her; she looks so peaceful and relaxed.

It's been quite a few hours since Lukas' horrible revelation, and I still can't suppress the feeling of terror that is creeping over me. There are dead bodies in here with us, tucked just out of sight in shadowy corners. There are dead bodies in this very room. My breath catches in my chest. What if I knew them?

I know I'm far too horrified to go and look. There's no way I would ever be able to. I wonder how Lukas is feeling, after seeing them and realising that they were dead. I don't know how I would react, but I know I wouldn't be able to stay so calm and collected for even one minute, let alone a few hours.

"Lukas?" I whisper. It's pitch black now, but I can almost picture the icy cloud my breath must be making.

"Yeah?" he replies.

"I... I can't stand it anymore. I keep thinking about the... the people, and I can't stand it! I want to get out, Lukas, I really can't be in here for another second!" My voice starts to rise towards the end of my sentence, and I can feel myself beginning to panic.

Lukas senses my fear and tries to calm me down. "Ivy, I know, trust me, I know. It's horrible, you're right, but you need to stay quiet. If they hear you down here-"

"But Lukas!" I gasp. "They-"

At this point Lukas' hand clamps over my mouth and he mutters, "I'm sorry, Ivy, but we can't let them hear you. You know what will happen."

I nod slowly. I need to stop and calm down, for Elsie and Lukas.

He keeps his hand in place for a few more moments, then, when he's obviously decided I'm calm enough, lets it drop to his side.

"Thanks," I whisper gratefully.

"No problem."

I adjust my position as Elsie's head starts slipping off my shoulder, and then shiver as my hand comes into contact with the cold stone floor.

"Why is it so cold?" I breathe. "I feel like I'm freezing to death."

Lukas moves a little closer. This is purely for warmth, of course, not anything else. Besides, I have never and will never think of him as anything more than a brother.

"I don't know," he replies. "But we won't freeze. Well, I think."

"Gee, thanks for the reassurance."

The silence starts to drag on and I find myself starting to think about... you know, that stuff, again.

"Let's keep talking, so I don't have to think about it," I whisper a little urgently.

"Sure. Uh... do you think they'll feed us soon?"

"Hopefully. I think Elsie really needs something soon, or she's in trouble," I respond, anger burning inside of me. They have NO right to do this to us, least of all a six year old child.

"It'll be okay," Lukas promises. "Really."

I snort. "Yeah, I might've thought that a year ago, but not now. Not here."

There's a pause. Then, "Do you honestly think they'll ever let us go, Ivy?"

"No," I say abruptly. "I've been here for a year, you've been here for three. If they were going to let us go, they would've done it a long time ago."

Lukas sighs. "Three years. Three long years...Everyone would have forgotten about us by now. The outside world would have moved on."

"Did you have a family, Lukas?" Even though I've known him for ages, we've never discussed this before. I hadn't wanted to bring it up; it's a touchy subject for many people in here, myself included.

"I don't really want to talk about it. And it doesn't matter; in their eyes, Lukas is long dead." He pauses. "What about you?"

I shake my head. "I agree with you. I don't like thinking about it."

"Fair enough."

"Lukas, how are you doing it?" I burst out suddenly.

"Doing what?"

"Oh, you know what. Acting so calm and everything, like nothing's happened. Like you didn't see-"

"Ivy, please. Let's not." In that instant, I realise how stupid I'd been. How could someone see something like that and be perfectly fine? Of course Lukas was trying not to think about it. He had seen it with his own eyes; why would that not bother him? Seeing someone dead...

Suddenly I stop breathing, my eyes wide, and I remember the night that had changed everything. That one impulsive action that had caused so much terror. That one second that I had let my emotions get the better of me. But why am I even thinking about this? Hadn't I sworn to forget it and move on? Wasn't that why I had run away in the first place, to escape my past? And running away had caused me to be found and brought here.

That one event has changed my entire life. That one event made me a prisoner.

And I deserve nothing more. I deserve to be kept here in the cold, half starved. I don't deserve to have Elsie and Lukas here with me. I deserve to have these terrible memories, to be tortured by them until the day I die.

I start to sob.

"Ivy, what's wrong?" Lukas asks, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I just remembered a little too much, that's all," I whimper. "But I deserve this, Lukas, I deserve it."

"No, you don't," he replies firmly. "No one deserves this."

"I do."

"Don't be stupid, Ivy."

"I'm not, Lukas. I..." I take a deep breath. "I have to tell you something."

"Okay, go ahead."

"I... No, I can't do it, I'm sorry," I whisper. "I can't. Not here. Not tonight."

"If you change your mind, I'm here."

The minutes pass, and as the cold seeps into my skin my limbs begin to ache with tiredness, until I'm almost out of it. The last thought I remember having before I fall asleep is that I hope food is coming soon, because I'm not sure how much longer we can last without it.