This happened in seventh grade. When I first saw her, in math class. I thought she was the prettiest person in the world. Her hair was long then. But I like her pixie cut now too. At first, I didn't have the courage to talk to her. But apparently, my best friend knew her and never told me. I may have been upset. She's really smart, and I love the way she explains how to solve the equations to me when I don't understand. I knew she was the one when she joined me in singing the Pokemon theme song in the hallway to Mr. Aldrich's class. All year I stood by her side as a friend.
In eighth grade, she and I got the same lunch period. We sat together with her best friend by the windows. I think it was because during lunch we got more time to talk, we got closer. Then one day, early October, she said, "I don't think I'm a line segment because I'm not straight." She laughed nervously and looked at me. I couldn't believe that I was that lucky, that I had a chance to be with her. When we were dismissed from lunch, I stopped her before she left and quickly confessed my feelings. My face was probably the color of Elmo as I ran off to art class. The rest of that day I was nervous if she would accept my feelings. And after school, she found me and said, "I think I like you too."
I was so happy, and I wanted to hold her hand. But I didn't. Why didn't I hold your hand?
I was scared what people would think of me being gay. And I didn't want to be judged. Why was I so stupid?
I ruined our relationship by avoiding her. I didn't want anyone to know. One day she brought someone to our lunch table, and she liked her presence more than she liked mine. I wanted her to be happy and not be held in chains because I was selfish. So I broke up with her.
Did I break your heart? I hope I didn't, I just wanted for you to be free and to radiate like you did before you were with me.
I stopped eating at our table, actually I stopped eating entirely. I wanted to be as skinny as that new girl, and as sociable as that new girl, and as pretty as that new girl. But I knew I could never be that way. I sat alone in the library, I reserved myself from the world. People would stop talking to me. And I was okay with that, but when I saw you with her I would get so jealous. Did I make the right choice in letting you go?
Cassie, I wish I was better.
Love,
@SockMonkeyBLR
