99 Reasons Why It Wasn't Love

1 | Respect the Rules

Copyright © 99 Reasons Why It Wasn't Love, 2012. All Rights Reserved.

Respect the Rules

The first rule of going on a blind date – walk in like you own the place. Even if you don’t catch your date’s attention, then you’ll sure as hell attract someone’s. Rule number two – let them see you first. It’s like going to a petting zoo – you don’t throw yourself on that goat or pig or whatever it is, ‘cause you’re just going to get bitten by some farm animal on a rampage. You let it come to you.

I ran this over in my head, even though I’d been through this enough times for it to be muscle memory. I was living in a constant state of déjà vu, doing the same thing every Friday and Saturday night that I could remember. Park my bike in front of whatever restaurant/club/bar/mini golf place the lucky guy and I decided on. Straighten my hair and classy-not-too-revealing dress in my handy dandy carry along mirror. And then follow the rules I had compiled right up until the date was over, he was kissing me goodnight, and I conveniently forgot his phone number so I just couldn’t call him back.

I checked to make sure I didn’t have any lipstick on my teeth and my blouse wasn’t wrinkled, hoping that for once, just this once, things would be different.

That maybe I would finally fall in love, find the one I’d been searching for.

As if.

Last Friday it had been the local nautical themed bar with some pirate-esque guy named Ralph. Tonight, it was a higher-class fine dining experience with Thatcher.

“Ready Bronwyn?” I asked my reflection, barely above a whisper. This was yet another part of the same routine, psyching myself up not for the date itself, but for the failure that would follow.

Deciding just to get this latest torture over with, I snapped the mirror shut, tucking the reflection deep into my purse where I could conveniently find it for the next date. And with that, I waltzed right into the restaurant to meet eligible bachelor number one zero zero.

Remembering rule two, I waited just inside the restaurant, scanning the sea of faces before me. This was going to be interesting – for one thing, I had never met Thatcher and he’d never met me. He was a friend of a friend’s sister’s ex-husband or something like that. I only had a vague recollection of the picture my best friend had texted me days ago, when she had first arranged the meeting. For another, based on what I’d been told, he had never seen a picture of me. Rule number two might have met its match.

And here’s when yet another problem with going on far too many dates comes in; when you think that guy over their might be your date, but he could just be some guy you used to know. It’s a 50/50 chance.

I was knocked out of my fantasies by a gentle tap on my shoulder. It wasn’t all that urgent, but it wasn’t just a trick of my mind either.

Which brings me to rule number three. Be cool about the whole thing. No one wants to date an overattached spaz who falls head over heels the moment they lay eyes on you. But at the same time, they don’t want someone who could care less if they show up or not. It’s about finding the perfect balance.