Church Boy

Chapter 1

"Forgive me, Father. It will not happen again." Joshua looked up into the priest's eyes from where he knelt before him, anger radiating from that stare and causing the boy's hands to shake.

Please no, God.

"Do you think sinful boys like you have any place in the kingdom of heaven, Joshua? I may have mercy on you, but the Lord will not. I want you to say fifty Hail Mary's in the chapel. And when you're done..."

The older man's hand rose to lift Joshua's chin up, their gazes meeting. The priest lowered his tone to a gentle whisper as he caressed the boy's perfectly soft cheek.

"I want to see you in my office." Josh's heart sank. 

God, is this what salvation really requires? Surely this is evil, the way he touches me...

He would say a million Hail Mary's, a trillion, if only Father Kim would leave him alone.

He had looked at a girl. She had come into the church to say her confessions, and as she left, he had watched her. It wasn't exactly a look of lust that he gave her... He wasn't like that. At all. He had just thought she looked so sweet and pleasant, with small hands folded behind her back, her floral print dress up to her throat and down to her knees, a smile on her face as she gave Joshua a little polite nod of her dark head. He had grinned and waved back, hoping to see her again and maybe make a new friend. Not new. Just friend, period.

Then a larger shadow joined his own as it stretched from the sun shining through the stained glass, and a firm hand was on his shoulder and he died a little on the inside.

Father Kim could get so jealous, almost as if Joshua was an object that he owned, not just a good boy who lit the candles and walked them down the aisle every Saturday and Sunday mass.  And other things. He did a lot of things at the church, more and more every day, he found. His parents thought it was good for him because there were no other good Christian kids at the school he went to and they didn't want their pretty son to come to harm. What better hands to place him in, then, than the hands of God? In the form of their priest...

Joshua knelt in front of the chapel altar and asked God for forgiveness as tears pricked his eyes. He should be grateful, joyful that he could be serving in the house of the Lord. Father Kim was a kind and generous man. Every time Josh served him, surely he was that much closer to heaven.

Delicate hands gripped the altar as salt tears dripped onto the stone floor. Hail Mary's forgotten, the boy prayed in earnest.

Please please please God. If you love me, don't let him touch me. Have him forget, make him not in the right mood. I will do anything.

***
The sun sank lower and there was literally no excuse he could come up with to stall any longer. Of course, if he was late, he could say he had said a few more prayers, which was true. If he waited any longer, he would be walking home in the pitch black, where anyone could grab him. Or worse, Father Kim would say it was too dangerous and insist on driving him home, or horror of horrors, call his parents to tell  them he would gladly let Joshua stay at his house for the night. They would be fine with it.

So he wiped his eyes and leapt to his feet, knowing it was best to get it over with.

He rushed to the man's office, hands cold and clammy like they always were, stomach in sickened knots as he gave a faint knock to the wooden door.

"Come in, Jisoo." The priest liked to call him by his Korean name when they were alone together. Joshua gulped and prayed again before turning the knob and pushing the door open.

Father Kim smiled softly as the boy slipped inside his spacious quarters, closing the door behind him and standing submissively at attention.

"Come, Jisoo. I've missed you all day." He pulled the younger to sit on his lap, resting his head in the crook between narrow shoulder and soft white neck.

Josh sat stiffly, hoping against hope that the passionate slow kisses being planted on his throat were as far as he would go today.

His heart sank as the father began unbuttoning his robes, stroking his brown hair with the other hand.

"Did you say your prayers, my dear Jisoo?" He breathed against the boy's exposed collarbone. Joshua felt fresh tears fill his eyes as the man bit, felt blood rush to the wound.

"Yes Father." His voice did not shake. Emotion slowly left him, as he had trained himself to feel nothing. If he didn't, he would feel everything.

"Good boy. God will reward you." The older tore Josh's robe off the boy's body completely.