The Desperation Inside

Chapter 7: Forgiveness

Glory closed the door and leaned back against it, slowly sliding down to sit on the floor. A soft sob worked it's way out of her mouth. Pray with her. He wanted to pray with her. What in the world would make him think she had any faith left in her after what they had done to her? Like praying to a God that didn't care enough to help her then could somehow make her feel better now?

Standing, she crossed to her bed and threw herself on it, burying her face in her pillows and crying herself to sleep. Her dreams were plagued with nightmares in which Chad and Alex found her and Jake stood by and shook his head at her, with a look of disappointment etched on his face. 

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2 hours later

Jake sat on the couch, head in his hands as he talked to Shaun.

" Have your guys been able to find anything on this Chad guy?" Shaun questioned.

"Not yet. Alex Paren and his wife are living in Athens. No red flags on him at all. Chad Golding was living in Atlanta, but none of his neighbours have seen him in several weeks. I don't like it." Jake heard muffled noises from the bedroom again. "I gotta go... she's having nightmares again I think."

Hanging up, Jake moved to the bedroom door, listening carefully. Hearing pained moans and rustling covers, he eased the door open, peering in to make sure Glory was alone. Seeing nothing it of place, he opened the door wider and felt his heart sink when he saw her. Curled into the fetal position, her tear streaked face was twisted into a mask of fear and pain.

Striding to her bed, her knelt and rubbed her back, murmuring in her ear, "shhh... it's ok.... your ok....wake up now...."

Glory sat up quickly, her eyes wide open and filled with panic. When she noticed Jake at her side, she scooted back against the headboard, wrapping both arms around her legs and pulling them in tight against her body.

"Hey, relax sweetie. It's just me." Jake watched her with concern. He could see the fear shadowing her eyes, and it hurt his heart.

"Don't touch me! Please, don't!" she cried out, moving so quickly away from him that she nearly fell off the bed.

Jake watched her, his heart clenching at the fear that was rolling off hey in waves. "Glory, sweetheart.. look at me. I will not hurt you. I don't know what you were dreaming about, but whatever it was, it was just a dream." He edged toward her, frustration eating at him when she ducked away again. Not knowing what else to do, he quickly caught her and plopped her in his lap like a child. He held her tight as she fought him, whispering soothing nonsense and rocking her gently until she collapsed against his chest. He continued to rock her, humming quietly until she settled. When she pushed at his chest, he released her. She quickly moved to sit at the head of the bed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it tightly to her chest.

"Sorry," she murmured softly, avoiding his eyes. "Bad dream. I am fine now though."

Jake sighed. "Glory... I have a friend that has some experience working with women who have been abused. Would you consider talking to her, if she came over?" He watched her brow furrow.

"Why? What good would it do?" She finally responded. "She can't erase the past. No one has a time machine that can go back and make me be smarter. If they did, I would go back and never talk to Alex. I would not ask the coach to help with the soccer team. I would make sure that I never trusted stupid high school guys! But they don't. So the stupid choices I made at 15 can't be changed. And the scars they left will always be there." She turned away. "Look, I appreciate that you want to help me. And if you can figure out a way to put those two in jail, maybe it will prevent them from doing this to someone else. You don't have to try to fix me though."

Jake's heart wrenched. The look in her eyes, brokenness and hopelessness, left him feeling like dirt. "Glory, I am not trying to 'fix' you. I just want you to have peace. I want you to understand that what happened does not have to define you. You are strong, and beautiful, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let what happened take away your joy." He stood, and moved to the door. "Just think about it. I will pray for you, that God would begin to heal some of this pain and help you to forgive yourself. Because until you do that, you won't be able to heal."

She turned her head away. "Do whatever you want. It doesn't matter."