"James?"
"No, this is Patrick."
"Very funny. You use that one all the time. Anyway, listen up because I've got a good one this time. Knock, knock."
"Who is this?"
"Come on, James. You're supposed to say, 'who's there?'"
"Um, I think you have the wrong number."
"I don't think so."
"You sound mighty sure of that. But unfortunately for you, I'm mighty sure that I don't know anyone who would be calling to tell me a knock knock joke at four in the morning."
"I could tell you a pun instead. I know lots of those, too."
"I'd rather you just hang up."
"....Wait......This isn't James's phone number. You're not James!"
"Wow, you're so smart! It only took you one whole minute of conversation! A Scooby snack for you! Now hang up."
"Don't worry, I'm tons smarter when I'm sober. Also, no."
"It's Tuesday."
"Actually it's Wednesday morning. I might be drunk but I know what day it is. But what's your point?"
"Why are you drunk on Wednesday morning, and why pray tell, did you decide to call a random number and wake up some poor, unsuspecting soul?"
"First of all, I'm not telling you."
"What if I guessed it? Will you tell me if I'm right?"
"....maybe."
"What if I decided I didn't give a shit and hung up?"
"Aw, don't be like that! I promise I'll tell you if you guess! Drunk girl's word of honor!"
"Well, for one, you're clearly a girl. I know for sure that you're obscenely drunk on a Tuesday night-"
"Wednesday morning."
"And you thought I was someone named 'James', so I'm going to hazard a guess that you were just dumped by this same James and that you, in your intoxicated state, were trying to drunk dial your ex and win him back with your charming jokes. Which totally wouldn't have worked, fyi."
"Wow, a regular Sherlock Holmes."
"I'm right, aren't I?"
"Ding, ding, ding, give that man a prize."
"Yes!"
"Woo! What a winner! And the jokes would have totally, totally worked."
"Sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself. Now, not that this hasn't been fun and all, but it's four in the fucking morning and I have class tomorrow, so I'm going to hang up and you're going to forget this number and we'll never speak again."
"But you've already guessed my deepest darkest secrets! We're sworn to be best friends forever now!"
"....or I could hand up."
"Yeah. But you'll regret it tomorrow."
"..."
"Probably."
YOU ARE READING
Unknown Number: the Contact
Short Story"Come on, James. You're supposed to say, 'who's there?'" "Um, I think you have the wrong number." "I don't think so." "You sound mighty sure of that. But unfortunately for you, I'm mighty sure that I don't know anyone who would be calling to tell me...
