i hate you, i love you [one shot]

i hate you, i love you

He was just dumped by Heechul. Sitting on his bed, sobbing loudly. Saw this coming but still feeling hurt. He wished he never knew Heechul, he wished he didn't keep to his promise.

It was a really confusing love rectangle, Leeteuk had a girlfriend but Heechul liked Leeteuk and Siwon liked Heechul. Heechul and Siwon were both hopelessly loving someone they could probably never have. Siwon knew that Heechul liked Leeteuk but he didn't let that get into his head. He was still going to chase after him regardless.

Came a day when Siwon thought of an idea. Leaving a note in Heechul's locker, "Meet me at the chem lab after school." Heechul opened his locker to find the note, being the curious him he decided that he was going to meet the anonymous person. Time was ticking by and Siwon was eager for school to end, he tapped his pencil on the desk constantly that it was annoying. He planned the entire thing with caution, not wanting to ruin it.

Finally the school bell rang, indicating the end of the school day. Heechul packed his things, who could it possibly be? At the chemistry lab sat a nervous Siwon when suddenly the door opened to reveal Heechul.

"Hey you came!" Siwon said with delight.

"Well what's this about?" Heechul questioned.

"Okay, I know you have a crush on Leeteuk but I have a crush on you. And well we both know very well that Leeteuk has a girlfriend. But I'm asking you to give me a chance and we should try a shot at this thing, I'm willing to do anything for you. Until Leeteuk becomes single, you could break up with me and go back to Leeteuk."

Heechul tried to digest the many words and was in deep thinking. "Sure." He gave an answer.

Siwon was very taken aback, he never thought that this would have actually worked. The man of his dreams was standing right in front of him, not to mention the man of his dreams was finally his. He had waited for this day for many years now, ever since he saw the beauty of Kim Heechul.

Heechul was on his couch drinking. Did I do the right thing? He couldn't stand seeing Leeteuk with another girl, he wanted Leteeuk to himself. His main problem now was having to accept that he and Siwon were now technically dating.

They started going out on dates together, sending each other to class and even holding hands. It looked like a pretty normal relationship in everybody else's eyes, but Heechul and Siwon knew it was all superficial. Heechul wasn't happy in real life, he was just giving a show. Siwon on the other hand was genuinely in love. He had longed for Heechul and it finally came true. Though he knew this happiness wasn't gone last for long, he was still going to make sure that Heechul was elated at all times. He wanted to give as much to Heechul before they part their ways, he was ready to support Heechul no matter what.

One day, Heechul was going through his photo album when he saw pictures of him and Hangeng. Hangeng was his ex, they were deeply in love until Hangeng was found to be cheating on Heechul. He never saw it coming and was deeply hurt. This incident left Heechul depressed, uncontrollably crying, not wanting to leave his room for days. It was Leeteuk that made him feel better those days. Now, while looking at the once smiling him in the photos, he was recalling of their good memories. He still couldn't believe that the person he ever committed so much to, cheated on him. He was now weeping on the cold hard floor. Not having time to think through, he dialled for Siwon to come over.

In no time Siwon was at the doorstep. Opening the door and collapsing into his embrace, Siwon supported Heechul to the couch. Siwon could see the pictures of Heechul and Hangeng on the floor, he knew that was the cause of it. Wanting to respect the privacy of the other, he didn't ask anything. Heechul just needed someone to be there for him right now. He was emotionally unstable. After about an hour, Heechul had stopped crying and relaxed, "Thank you for letting me cry on you, I would have called Leeteuk but he would probably be caring for his girlfriend more. Sorry if I bothered you."

Siwon didn't know how to respond. Whether he was hurt from the fact that he was a second choice or that he was glad to be able to comfort Heechul.

As time went by, Heechul and Siwon grew closer. Heechul started to open up more to Siwon and Siwon appreciated the effort. Reality hit him when he knew Heechul wasn't going to be his in the end. Seeing Heechul's gummy smile was a good enough gift.

It was an ordinary day at lunch with Heechul and Siwon, when Heechul caught Leeteuk walking alone. Had he broken up with his girlfriend? Heechul walked towards Leeteuk's table, all he could see was an especially sorrowful Leeteuk.

"Are you alright?" Heechul sounded concerned.

Without a word said, Leeteuk just crashed into Heechul's arms and started crying. He had never seen Leeteuk in this state before, most of the time it had been the other way around. It had been a while last since the two had talked to each other. This was their first meeting after a hiatus and it was all because of a broken heart. Siwon was looking from his table, oh how he knew that his euphoric story was coming to an end.

Heechul and Leeteuk became close again, as if they didn't have a break in the first place. The both of them had agreed to date when Leeteuk was ready. Heechul missed every moment with Leeteuk, how he lifted his spirits up and how he would always ask how his day went. Siwon had been a great companion when they were together, all the things he did to provide care and love to Heechul. Heechul couldn't lie and say he didn't appreciate it. But, Heechul's heart wanted someone else, Siwon had and always was the second choice. He was just a rebound.

It was the day before their first monthsary and Heechul had called it quits with Siwon at the locker area. Siwon had expected this day to come, and frankly he wasn't even surprised. He's just sad it was the day before their monthsary. He stood at his locker staring at the pictures of him and Heechul pasted at the side of his locker, a small tear was shed.

Thank you Kim Heechul. You truly made me feel like a blessed child.

He hated that he loved that bastard, fell for somebody that never truly loved him. He hated that he wanted Heechul. However, Heechul needed Leeteuk and he could never be him. Letting Heechul go seemed to be the only choice he had, Leeteuk was the only one that could truly make Heechul contended. It hurt knowing that he was used the whole time yet there wasn't anyone he could blame.

'Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing,
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance,
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing.'