(Please Read)
(A clam in this story some of this stuff actually happened to me I won't say what parts but this story is to help me cope with stuff and writing about this is something people need to aware and read about because bullying can really kill people and weaken their mental state and make them kill them self's its extremely bad thing so please understand what you are reading is a story about how people sometimes feel and what they do to cope with it like selective muteness )
One morning I woke up completely silent like normal. I always wake up silent it's normal. I got up and did the normal get dressed, brushed my teeth, and blah blah blah normal stuff. But you know being mute is "Easy and all the stuff" But it's not really easy it's harder the you think.
Some people just wake with a smile on there face and an "everything is going to be good" talk. But for me it's not it's a hard day of bullying and bruises. Normal tho I can deal with it. Just a normal day for a non normal person.
Most of the time I feel lost, alone, scared, someone that's definitely deserves to be dead. Some people says that isn't true that I should be somebody I'm not. They say if I am I'll be more liked more appreciated. But that's wrong nobody will like me. I'm just this hopeless little girl. I go day by day wondering if i'll ever get better. But........ every day I get worse. On the break of suicide wanting to die. Wanting to end it all. Just for the whole word to stop turning for me and let people live there happy life.
I went ahead and went down stairs I didn't eat breakfast. I hardly ate most of the time it was something small if I did eat. I grabbed my book bag and I started to leave for the bus. But my mom caught me before I left she said "Have a good day at school Marie." I thought to myself 'Huh good day when has there ever been a good day.' I looked back at her and smiled at her fakely. I turned around and went to the bus stop. I just stood there waiting for the bus.
There was quite a few people at the bus stop just talking, laughing, and smiling. I was looking down and when I looked up to see if the bus was coming there was a person in front of me. I've never seen him before 'He must be new' I thought. I started to pull out writing notebook so I could tell him Hi. He looked confused as I pulled out the note book. I wrote down "Hi Are you new?"
He looked at my even more confused and he asked me "Do you not talk because this is a kinda weird way to communicate."
I nodded extremely embarrassed. I look away hoping that he would just walk away.
He sighed "It might be weird but I can get over it and my name is Mark"
I looked back up and then looked down at my note book and wrote 'My name is Marie' I seen him smile. I had the sudden thought he was laughing at me. Thinking that he was I started walking away scared a little. Mark grabbed my arm I flinched. After he done that the bus pulled up.
"Why are you walking away?" Mark said looking at me with a bit of concern.
I looked away from him and got on the bus. When I got on the bus I sat down in the back seat. Not a lot of people sit back there and Honestly I like sitting alone but some times its nice to have a bit of company. Like when there not laughing at me and hitting me. When I look over I see Mark looking at me.
"Hey this seat taken?" He smiled
I shake my head as in saying no. I Seen him smile a bit more and take a seat right beside me
He said in a soft voice "So um Marie i'm so very sorry I didn't mean to do or say that made you scared. I could tell you where a bit scared I hope I can make it up to you." He looked sad and Disappointed in himself
I look down and just stare thinking about his words just continuously asking questions in my heads. Is he lying? Is he just trying to make friends with me so he could bully me? Should I write him something? What if hes just messing with me to make me cry? Thinking about all of these just wanted to make me cry. Wondering if I will cry. Then all the sudden I hear him whisper.
"Hey look at me" He says quietly just enough for me to hear him
I look at slowly trying to hide the tears that where in my eyes. Just regretting not killing myself a few nights ago.Mark opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But right before he said anything the bus stopped meaning we where at school. I look away from Mark and wiped the tears out of my eyes and stood up. When I looked back over at him but he was gone. I waited till everyone was off the bus before I got off. I walked in to my horrible friendless school. Pretending to be happy. Not trying to show my sadness through my weak frail mental state. Afraid to break any second of the day.
I got my locker and grabbed the stuff I need. I look up at this small charm my mom got me when I first went to a mental hospital. I read the little sign on the top it said 'Special Daughter.' Every time I look at it I just want to fall apart. Just to fall and cry. I just want to block out the whole world. Nobody cares about me. Nobody would mind if I die. When I had my voice. Somebody told me that if I died everyone would be happy. That it would make the school a better place. I took those words into concentration when I came this way. Mute. That is what I am i'm mute. I could've prevented it probably. I could probably just have forced myself to talk.
