I kept you quietly to myself
All the others became versions of themselves created idealizations
Never becoming fully realized people
Only objects to be projected upon
You were there behind them all
You were nights spent on the couch
The ocean at 12 am
Late start Saturdays that turn into early Sunday mornings
Eating until we couldn't look at food ever again
Being hungry an hour later
My car shaking with laughter and loud music
Car quiet, winding around evening mountain sides
You up? texts followed by I want taco bell
You were consistency
Drawing me out when I shut myself in
Never taking me too seriously
A place where airing trauma isn't the same as reliving it
A reminder that rainy days are meant for hot cocoa
It took three years before I started telling my other friends about you
It felt like telling a secret
Like sharing all of the things we have done
All that we are just by saying your name
But I couldn't help it after four months
separated by four hundred miles
What to do with all of the time I used to spend with you
But it's terrifying when other people know
What if I start doing to you what I have done to the others
What if that is exactly what im doing right now
I want to be the last person you ever fall in love with
I want to be it for you
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wish I was your home so that I could ask you to come back
