In His Hands

Chapter 1: Deja Vu

Today was the day. Today I start at my new school. Today is the day I become a new person. No more bullying,  no more thinking highly of myself. No more drinking, drugs, no more of my old self.

I rolled to side of my bed and furrowed my eyebrows. I'm nervous. I reach my hand under my pillow and bring out my phone to look at the time. 6:00 AM. I had set an alarm for half an hours time but I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning and you could pretty much say I had a sleepless night. My mind going over the million scenarios that could happen today. Being a new girl to a school sucks, I won't lie. But it's a chance to start afresh. No one knows me, no one knows what I done..

Slowly, I pull myself up and sit looking through my social media accounts. I check Instagram, Snapchat, you know the basics. As I'm scrolling through Facebook a text notification pops up on the top of my screen.

Mum: Good luck on your first day, missing you so much already. Call me after and tell me all about it. Love you x

I frown as I read the text. I used to live with my mum but things got bad over  in New Jersey and I chose to move out to where my dad is in Florida. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad but they split when I was little and I grew up with just my mum by my side. I just don't have that with my dad. It's not the same.

Me: I will. I couldn't sleep last night :(
Just want this day to be over and done with. I miss and love you too x

I put my phone down as I get up and hear my dad snoring from the other room. I chuckle to myself as I sit in front of my makeup table and stare at myself in the mirror. I don't get it.

All some girls ever wanted was to be me. To be in my shoes. To have boys at their feet. To have everyone like and respect you. But that's not what being popular is. It's nothing like that.

For starters, the boys are usually pervs and have little respect for girls. Well the popular ones I knew anyway. They sleep around , have their fun, regardless on if the girl has grown feelings then just dump then and find fresh meat.

Sometimes having so much money like in my families case (my dad is the CEO of a successful company and my mum is a surgeon) makes you miserable. It's pretty cool to be able to buy 'big' brands and whatever you want when you want but you get to a point where either you have everything or you just don't know what you want anymore. Like you feel obliged to spend the money.

And see the popular kids 'group'? Half of them front a smile and a 'you look so good today Ava' and behind your back it's 'Ava's such a bitch' kind of thing. Majority of them? Fake. I won't lie, I'm guilty of having done the same thing. But once you roll with a certain crowd that do certain things, you start getting their habits...

Like drugs. Smoking. Drinking. Hooking up. You see people not wanting to do something but because a 'popular kid' is doing it, they copy.

Last year my best friend Talia from New Jersey almost died from drugs. You know those pills you take at parties? Someone handed her a dodgy one. I'll never forget that night. The reason I moved.

Talia came up to me not long after the pill kicked in but something was wrong. Me being my stuck up and ignorant 'popular' self decided to ignore her. She kept constantly coming up to me saying she didn't feel right and I just bluntly told her it's normal for her first time to feel weird. I was drunk and I was just being a teenager at a party having fun. I was annoyed that she kept complaining to me about it and I was completely obnoxious to what was actually going on.

Not long after someone ran up to me screaming 'Talia's on the floor! I think her body is rejecting the pill or something!'. I laughed as this came from a well known 'prankster'.

'Dylan this won't work on me' I slurred as I pushed past him and went to look anyway.

And there I saw her. On the floor. Eyes rolling to the back of her head. Her body violently shaking. Vomit down her dress. My body froze.

Was this a joke?

'A-Ava?' She called out in a low mumble. I was still frozen.

My group of friends from school was at the party.  The Jocks and the cheerleaders.

See, Talia was your normal high school student. She had a couple of friends, her family had average money, she had never had a boyfriend, all those kind of things. But she was still my best friend.

Olivia one of the cheerleaders pointed and shouted 'Look at Talia, she's such a freak!' And the room burst with laughter as heads turned. People didn't know what was going on.

Kids rushed over with their phones out with flashlights on recording Talia, mocking her and laughing as she lay there unable to move and barely able to speak. "This is going straight on my story" I hear someone shout.

And this is where I completely fucked up.

I feel a sudden grip on my arm as I turn around and see Olivia in fits of laughter and wobbling from side to side. She was in a state. 'Oh my god you have to record this Ava' she yells in my face even though she's standing directly beside me. 'Come on  it's some low life, she's a total weirdo anyway. I don't even know how you like her'.

My arm reached for my phone in my back pocket. 'No Ava, what are you doing' I thought to myself as I unlocked it and pulled up the Snapchat app. 'This is your best friend'

I need to keep my status as the queen bee. I need people to like me. I need to do what they are doing. I pressed the record button and fake laughed at Talia who's head has now somehow turned to face me.

The look on her face. Disgust. Betrayal. I won't ever forget the way she looked at me.

What sort of best friend am I?!

'I hear the boys are playing beer pong, let's go watch. Brandon's biceps look so good in the top he's wearing tonight' she said as she giggled and twirled her hair pulling me away.

I remember standing with Brandon, Olivia, Mason, Sasha, a couple of my so called friends when a paramedic rushed in not even 5 minutes after I left Talia.

Turns out if no one had seen to Talia any later than that then she would have been dead in just a couple of hours. She spent a while in hospital and didn't let me visit. I called, texted, tried everything to apologise but she completely blocked me out. She remembered all of it. I didn't help her. Instead I chose to stick with a bunch of people who didn't even care for me. I know if I had been in her place she would have straight away done something to help me. I was so disgusted with myself.

Talia's mum rang my mum and told her all about it. Soon enough the whole school knew what I had done. I wasn't the first to do it and record her but somehow I got all of the verbal abuse and grief from everyone. By the end of that week nobody liked me anymore. And I hated myself from that day on.

So here I am. Couple of months later. Starting a new school.

Being the new me. The real me possibly?

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Thank you so much for reading.
I hope the first chapter is okay!
The second one will be longer as this is just a small introduction kind of chapter.
Ava messed up big time but will she make a good set of friends this time?