Oh how you miss him so. How you desire him to be yours again. Memories just playing through your head, from a time when you finally felt happy. When you believed he was the one. You thought he was happy. He was progressing so much in life with you by his side. However, that's when the darkness struck. Some may say it's your fault. You were being foolish after all, hoping things would turn out so easy. One can never assume that the world will just let them be live without a price. Well, the price for you was Happiness. He was taken from me. Fallen out of love. He says he still cares, but how much could he care if he doesn't check up on you to make sure you're okay. To make sure your skin isn't pierced. To make sure you aren't on the bathroom floor, crying your eyes out. How much can he care when his new partner hates you. It's not like he would cross them for you. They are more important. You have to struggle to stay in his life, unable to see the person that once was your everything. Your lover. Your best friend. Your future husband. Now? Now he is just a shadow of who he was. The sides of him you got used to seeing? They are being shown to someone else. You try to think back to those memories, to look for a reason things went wrong. However, all that plays is the happiness you felt when he kissed you. The closeness you felt feeling his skin on yours. It's funny how the memories of abuse and mistreatment never play. They are lost in the files of things you never want to see again. You search desperately for something to help you not love him anymore. You know what you find? Nothing. You still love him with all your heart. However, nothing is reciprocated. You have this false hope. After all, one statement of his rings in your head, making it impossible to give up. "Maybe again in the future." Well, sir, how am I supposed to lose feelings for you if I know there is a possible future that I so desperately want. How badly I want to just feel your embrace. For you to tell me you love me. Am I a fool? Am I a fool just playing a fools game? It doesn't seem like reality. After four months of happiness, he finds it in someone else so much easier? What to they have that I don't? What can they possibly offer that I can't? What makes you happier with them then you ever were with me? What have I done? How did I push you away? Why are you gone? Why am I being pushed from you? Why is our tie slowly thinning? Why am I feeling alone again? Why are these thoughts coming back? They weren't supposed to come back. They weren't ever supposed to come back. But they are... Loneliness... Depression... Welcome back old friends. It's been a while.
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Our saying replays over and over in my head. "Strong Alone, Stronger Together." Well, obviously we weren't stronger together, or you're stronger with this other person. Alone, I can say I'm as strong as can be, however, that just isn't the case. We had a life planned ahead of us. Our own little place. A happy-place in this world of darkness. Marriage. Family. What became of that plan? Is it lost entirely? With its absence, I plunge back into the darkness. Alone. Forever Alone. Yet again.
