The sharpness pierced my skin as if it could affect me. But I felt nothing. I could see the crimson blood run down my chest and the thin line now across my skin. But I still felt nothing. I was ashamed of myself. I deserved to feel this pain. I deserve to be punished. And yet…I felt nothing. All my emotions got mixed up and it left me feeling numb. I was supposed to protect the people I loved. Not hurt them. I was supposed to keep them safe. And instead, I caused pain. I deserved this pain from the blade as it cut through me. Why was I feeling nothing? Why can’t I just feel the punishment that was meant for me?
I put the blade down and stare at myself in the mirror. I stare at what I see to be a monster; a demon. I look at the cut I made. Not deep, but not small either. This isn’t the only one. I have several covering this body; each one is a way to punish myself. I destroy everything I hold dear to me. I will never be happy…
I cleaned myself up and put my shirt back on. Looking at myself in the mirror one last time, I tried hard to feel. I looked so deep inside but couldn’t find anything. I’ve become so numb. After all this time… when I deserved the pain the most, I couldn’t feel it. I felt empty. After everything that I have done…I was numb.
“Hurting others... Is not good, I'm supposed to protect the people I love, keep them safe, not hurt them, and hurting them.... Deserved punishment..."
~Unknown
