Life Gets Better

4. Is it worthy?

Warning: In this chapter Luxi attempts suicide
The lesson began and I tryed to ignore the fact that the most annoying person was still sitting next to me. He was looking at me. It was getting on my nerves, so I whispered:

-What the hell do you want?!
He suddenly looked into my eyes, put his hand on mine and said: "I love you."

Of course I knew that it wasn't true, but in that moment it was so unexcpecting! So...I kinda...blushed. The class began to laugh again. The teacher turned around and asked me:

-What is happening Miss Cooper? It's already third time today!

-How should I know?

-Well, everybody is laughing except you, so probably you are the reason why.

-How can you be so sure?

-Say it and let's continue the lesson!

-There's nothing to say.

-In the corridor! Now!

I stood up and he followed me. Why should I tell him? It's not his business! Maybe it would be better if he focused on his job and not my life! I guess he wouldn't leave me alone. I had to say something. But if I did tell him the truth, my classmates would bully me even more. I'm not afraid of them, I'm just tired! So I did what I had to do.

-Mr. Mcanly, with all the respect, I want you to leave me alone.

-Not until you tell me what's going on.

-Ok, fine! It's that time of the month so...it kinda...and the chair became red...

-Oh, no! I'm so sorry...I thought it was something else... I thought it was about me...

-It wasn't about you.

-Yeah. I'm really sorry! Do you want to go home?

-Yes, please!

-Sure, go get your stuff and you are free for today.

-Thank you.

So I went inside the classroom. While collecting my books I colored my chair with a red marker. Thank God, I was wearing black pants, otherwise I would have to put a red mark on my pants too. Mike immediatly asked:

-Did you tell him?! Wait...What the..? What are you doing?

-Saving your butt from a detention. You owe me one!

-What? Why are you doing this?

-Saving you? Well, let's just say that I'm an angel sent from heaven.

-A few minutes ago you were ready to beat me up and now you are helping me? I don't understand you.

-Nobody does. But this should be very easy to understand. I repeat. Now You Owe Me One!

-Silence! Miss Cooper if you are leaving, can you do it quickly, please?

-Yes, Mr. Mcanly.

I went home and lay in my bed.

Grandma wasn't here yet. Where is she? I wonder if she is buying some pills now. Or is she visiting a doctor? How long has she left? When will she tell me? How am I going to get better after her death? I will be all alone. Is it worthy to live? Does anybody need me? Will the world be better without me? With these thoughts I came closer to the window in my room. I opened it and stared down for a while. What will happen if I jump now? It's not like anyone will care. I will meet my family. Grandma will come soon too. I will see people who actually care about me... Is it worthy to live this life? I am nobody. I went deep into the thoughts as I leaned towards the ground. I understood that this was the end. Nothing will matter anymore. I will become free! I almost let myself fall, but then I heard my grandma's voice:

-Luxi, are you at home?

-....Y-Yes, grandma.

-What do you want for lunch?

-...I-I don't know, it doesn't matter.

-Alright, the soup will be ready in twenty minutes!

I looked back at the ground and thought: "But what about her? Won't she be lonely without me? I will hurt her, right? I won't let her die peacefully if I do this. She will cry. She will be unhappy. She will blame herself...No. I don't want this. Maybe I should just let her live happily while she can....Maybe I shouldn't do it just yet..." I closed the window and went to the kitchen.

-Hey, grandma.

-hello, sunshine!

-What's new? Where have you been?

-I-I just bought some vegetables, f-for the soup.

-You've been out for so long and that's all you did?

-Yeah, I tryed to pick the best ones.

-Oh, ok.

-How are you, my dear? Has anything interesting happened to you at school today?

-Um, not really...

-You look sad. I know! Let's invite your friends for lunch tomorrow!

Grandma thinks that I have friends. Of course I lied to her. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want her to know that after her death I will have nobody. I didn't want her to worry.

-They are busy...

-It's strange. How come they are always busy? ...Are you hiding something from me, Luxi?

-No! No, of course not, grandma! I will ask them, but I don't think that they would be free...They study a lot and help their parents with their household.

-I'm sure they will have some time for their friend. To come to think of it I don't even know their names...

-Um...Yeah...Well, one of them is....Urr...Mike!