Random Bits

Nightmare*

A/N I wrote this in Language Arts class, and it went way deeper than I thought it would go, it turned out wayyyy better than I thought, and my teacher was shocked. I added words that weren't in the first rough draft, and I underlined those phrases, so please tell me if I should keep them, or if they detract from the effect I'm trying to give.

I'm going crazy. 

Actually, wait, that's wrong. I was- am, crazy.

Beads of sweat roll down my forehead, down to the tip of my nose.

Everywhere I turn, I can't see anything, but sequences and patterns, sequences and patterns, sequences and-

I think about everything I've done, and I cringe. Was I clueless all this time? Did everyone think me a fool-

I experience another spasm.

My body spasms, violently, and this time, I'm shaking harder, I slip out of my own control.

I can feel my breath, in, out, on the insides of my cheeks. I can feel a death of some sort, though not physical.

I shudder again.

As well as the fact that I've been lied to, the world has also been closed off to me. Yet, I chose to go in, feeling brave and losing my sense, ignoring the warning signs.

Idiot

I'd been so stupid my whole life. Even now, my thoughts are threatening to slip through my fingers, pull me back into the darkness, where it's easy...

Yet, I'm not satisfied. I paid for this, I have to live with it, yet maybe I can stop...

As if it won't be like every other time I thought I'd woken up from this nightmare.

Can you hear me?

I'm tied up in my own thoughts, failing to notice the world around me.

This time, it has to be different, right? Well,  I can't afford not to wake up, it's going to be too late soon.

And it's eye-opening, though terrible, to see these mindless sequences of people, for what they truly are.

I look up. Everything is still... blurry, out of focus. Yet, this time, I can actually see, if I try, and I realize everything's done, and I want to fix it, even though I might slip back into darkness.

But I don't know how.

Can you hear now?

I shudder again.

Sequences and patterns.

A/N So, there's some things I also want to say here, at the end. This poem is deeply connected with myself, and how I feel, and every time I read it, I can feel myself begin to panic, my heart rate rising. I'm not sure whether it caused the same effect in my classmates, I sure hope so. One of my classmates says this was exactly how it felt going under anesthesia. I think we can all relate to this, don't you agree?