In Lovely Despair♥

Prologue

Life, what is the meaning of life?

Everyone knows I guess, but is my life meant to be this way. Filled with despair, disappointment, letdowns, and distrustful people?

If it is, why did god intend it to be this way for me?

Is he just toying with me, or is there even a god at all?

I guess no one really knows.

People say live life to the fullest, with no regrets, but what if I have regrets every single day?

I guess I have too many 'What if?' questions.

I am Annabelle Stevenson and this is my story.

I guess it all started when I barely turned ten, my mom surprised me with a brand new bratz doll. Oh man how I adored those big headed dolls. I was sitting on the couch playing with my newly treasured doll, and my mom was in the kitchen cutting my birthday cake. My older brother, Drake, was upstairs still sound asleep. When my father walked in to wish me a happy birthday, I saw that he had blurry red eyes, yup you guessed it drunk.

He lingered in one spot and glazed his eyes over me, of course me being ten I didn't yet understand the hungry look in his eyes, or why he was walking toward me with such adornment. He finally came up to me and picked me up and said,"Annie today's the day you turn ten, aren't you excited?", he began to lightly brush my arm in circles.

How foolish I was to trust that demon in disguise, how idiotic I was to smile and brush off the slight uncomfortable feeling I got every time he looked at me with such lust in his eyes. Why, why didn't I push him away and scream help from my mom? This man, my own father to which I hate calling him that, has been sexually harassing me for seven years of my whole life.

You may wonder, "Well why didn't you tell your mom or ask for help, or maybe even tell the police?".

Well starting with the first one I did tell my mom many, many times, she knew, she understood. She didn't do a single thing about it though, she just let me be abused more and more, like I deserved it. That is why I hate that women to death. My brother knew too, but he didn't believe me, so I stopped talking to him all together, I got tired of trying to convince him. Oh, but I did try telling the police once before, but my father, much to my distaste, beat me to it. He said, "If you try that again, i'll make you regret ever being born!"

"Hah" I thought, I already regret being born.

As this continued over the seven more years of my life, my mother stopped talking to me more and more till the point where she ignored me all together. She hated the fact that I got more attention from my father than her. She hated not being able to get the attention she deserved for being still being his wife, and putting up with that disgusting excuse of a man. Most nights she would go out and never come back, we all knew where she was and doing, but we never knew 'who' exactly she was doing.

So by the time I turned sixteen my brother moved out right away towards college. I don't blame him though. I would too, and quite frankly I am utterly and completely jealous of him. To have such freedom and being able to wake up in the morning knowing you wouldn't get pushed around or gawked at for being different, or even getting harassed every single damn day when you come home from school. No one knows my problems, no one not even my best friend, Serena.

Oh Serena, how I love her so. Me and her are considered weirdo's in my high-school. But then again we are truly weird. I don't know how I got 'weird' but I knew I was just being myself. Sometimes when we were having a bad day we would both know by the look on each others face. We both were quiet when it came to personal reasons. I knew Serena couldn't have had a perfect life at home, guess that's why she started smoking at a young age.