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i've been writing this story but i don't know if its good could you guys please check it out.

if you like it please vote and comment on any mistake i may have made or what you guys thoughts on it were. 

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 PROLOUGE

I gasped. The water hit me hard. It was hot. Burning, my skin .scorching my every nerve I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t open my eyes. It was too much. I tried breathing; instead I gurgled scorching water, and almost suffocated. i was in the dark. My eyelids wouldn’t function properly. I couldn’t open my eyes. Why can’t I open my eyes? I felt a pinch at my right shoulder. A cold sensation ran through my arm leaving numbness behind.  The feeling of ice melting and the water being poured all over me was bittersweet. It was a relief to my burned skin, but to the skin that wasn’t burned, stung with more intensity than with the boiling water. it spread to my chest. I screamed as I tried to get oxygen to my brain opening my mouth to breathe, but I couldn’t I was desperate. What’s happening?  Whimpers escaped my partially frozen lips. I reached out with my hands to nothing but air. I don’t remember. Where am i?  A laugh cold, rasp and oddly disturbing cut through my ears. “The body controls the mind,” the voice said. The ice engulfed my body. I felt numb. I couldn’t take it. I collapsed to the floor, and the over powering darkness numbed my senses until I couldn’t feel at all.