Dear World,
The truth is coming out. What is the point in hiding it inside? It will only bring me pain if I keep it inside much longer. I don't think it's good for my mental health to keep this to myself any longer I am a feminine guy. I am transgender! I am gay! But those things don't define me, and I will not allow them to define me because I am more then that... I am a person.
I need to be more out about who I am as it is detrimental to my mental health... it has been since I went into the hospital nearly a year ago due to a failed overdose attempt because I kept making my mental state worse by trying to run from who I am. Honestly, I have struggled more with discovering my sexuality then I have my gender identity.
It took me a long time to come to terms with who I am, who I have always truly been. I used to be so afraid that I would loose family and friends if I so much as mentioned this. I grew up with an abusive father who is homophobic, racist, transphobic, and at some points extremely sexist and for the longest time I followed his footsteps, albeit at the time it was mostly out of fear of being different. But my mother always has been there for me and I am almost certain she will always be there when I need her, she's my solid rock. After coming out, in the most awkward manner, I discover that I was accepted by nearly all of my family and that made me feel warm since I completely lost it before telling them due to their christian influences.
I just wish people would stop acting as if there is something wrong with me and assuming because I'm transgender that I like women. I don't feel attraction towards women in any way and I'm fairly certain I never will. There is nothing wrong with me... I didn't ask to feel this way and if I could change how I feel I wouldn't because it makes me... well it makes me, me. I like more of a feminine style and that doesn't make me any less of a man... since when does putting a man in a dress/skirt change their gender identity? The answer is never and why is that different for trans-men (or masculine trans females)? I think that is hypocritical and rather upsetting to the LGBTQ(+) community as a whole. Don't even get me started on stereotypes... just because I don't act a certain way doesn't make me any different then what I say I am. I think I know myself better then you think you know me. I don't share every single aspect of myself online or in real life and you need to respect that because I have the right to privacy just as much as you do, don't tell me differently.
Love,
Renthecosplaynerd
