Losers Aren't Welcome

you're gonna be the one to save me?

AN: ok so before you start wondering why I've used a song from the 90's it's just a song I grew up listening to as my mum would play it a lot and I just kinda like it I guess xD also -
Tw: mentions attempted suicide and scars
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She had finally decided to accept my presence and talk to me,
But damn do I wish she hadn't...
The chat lasted just over an hour and my eyes were blood shot and my cheeks we're damp from the tears. Jordan didn't look much better herself. I would have never seen this coming, maybe its selfish that i wish she had continued ignoring me when it was something like this... then again what i did was selfish. I did it for none other then myself. I wasn't doing it to make my friends happy they didn't have to deal with my bullshit. I didn't do it so my mum could focus on raising my little brother. I did it because i wanted an escape, i hadn't wanted to be here anymore and that was where my mind was. Maybe it still is... I'm stronger now.. A lot stronger.. but that doesnt mean i dont want a way out. She had pulled my sleeves up to see the scars eunning diagonally down my wrists. She froze for a moment or two beforepulling me in for a hug. I hated this. I had always hated hugs, but.. I didn't want to upset her. I guess i didnt want for her to leave, not again. Ive had to leave to many people behind.  I dont want to leave them too. There has been to many "goodbye"s. Too many "ill miss you"s. Too many "ill see you soon"s to of never made thier way back to me. I'm sick and tired of leaving people behind and having to move on with my life as if they was never there. What makes it harder is those people accepted me... I cant even accept me and yet they managed to. I know the majority of people i have left behind have soon forgotten me and are getting on with thier lives but me, i live in the past and often wish i could go back to it. I guess thats another one of my flaws. I cant just live in the pressent i always either dwell on the past or wish i could get back there. Its a real problem...
Enough of that I need to focus on the here and now. Jordan wouldnt leave me alone for the rest of the day she even walked with me and alex home.
Alex had already found out as one day when we were sketching he noticed the purple marks peeking out of the sleeves of my hoodie.  He knew what it was like and therefor tried not to make a big deal out of it... it brought us a lot closer and we started talking a lot more and meeting up late at night when perhaps if left alone we may not of saw daylight.