The Freckles On Her Nose

Alas!

Author's note: The story is set in the year 2014 and is roughly based on John Green's The Fault In Our Stars. However, do not expect the same story pattern and plot. I only got the idea of cancer and dying from the book. Hope you like it. :)

With regards,

Athena

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She bit her lip as she scoured her medicine cabinet for a pain reliever. Her body shook as she tried to regain balance, leaning on the kitchen sink desperately like she always does. The still vase of white tulips fell and shattered into millions of brittle pieces as she shoved everything out of the way, creating a catastrophe in the process of finding something that could numb her. She coughed, dribbles of blood staining her white sleeves as one hand held the orange pill bottle tightly as if her life depended on it – literally it did. With a shaky pale hand, she grabbed for the glass of water sitting on the top of the toilet as if watching the whole freak show. She scowled as she popped three in her mouth and downed it with half the water she had left.

She had always resented the way they burned down her throat.

But it was for the good – or so she convinced herself – as it helps her to feel nothing – at least for an hour or two if lucky. She gripped on the sink like a vine until the pain passed – thankfully. And when the ringing on her ears had stopped, just then she realized that her sister was furiously rapping the door with her fist. She imagined them bloody already.

“Elsa!” She called with the tell-tale panic in her voice, her heart racing a thousand per second.

The wave of dizziness and nausea had her stumbling for her bed, bumping on her desk in the process. And again, another vase of tulips made its unfortunate way to the floor. But thankfully, it didn’t break. However, it did create a loud thud that would make her sister balling for a huge wave of concern.

She managed to croak an, I’m fine without stuttering as the pain seeped once again like droplets of water dribbling and dribbling and dribbling from a broken faucet.

“You don’t sound fine to me.” But this time she had partially given up on beating her sister’s door to death. Nonetheless, the thought of breaking in still played in her mind as she stared at it with squinted eyes.

She had to muffle a strained cough as she cleared her throat for effect. “I – I’m just being clumsy, is all.” She reached for her phone desperately as the pain batted its eyelashes at her.

“Are you sure?” She insisted as she clawed on the knob, but unfortunately for her, it was locked.

Elsa dialed her doctor’s number. “Positive,” she murmured.

Anna rocked her heels as she thrust her hands in her pockets. “Listen, if you ever need anything just give me a call.” She sighed in disappointment in the hopes of her sister opening the door for her and letting her in.

“Okay,” Elsa deadpanned.

Anna blew on her bangs. “Okay, bye.” She pinched herself as she turned on her heel and returned to her room.

Elsa hugged the sheets as she shivered from the unbearable cold, her phone on her lap. All she could manage was a squeak and a croak as tears copiously fell on her cheeks, the pain gnawing at her. Time slowed as she shivered and listened tentatively at Dr. Kai’s reassuring words, thinking of only one word: Bullshit.

It wasn’t going to get any goddamn better. They were only trying to make her life longer and more miserable. Her cancer was her. How could she defeat herself without killing her in the process? It was impossible and utterly bullshit. There wouldn’t be any miracles. She was destroying her own self with chemicals, weakening her even more, making her suffer even more than she already was. Of course there was faith and all the goddamn prayers that came along with it, but it wouldn’t get better. This was the real world, not nirvana, not Heaven, not goddamn paradise. She will die, and they have to accept that just like she goddamn did. Nothing would help her survive this.

Dragging her shaking hands to her lifeless hair, she looked impatiently at her phone. With her teeth set and her tongue clucked at the back of it, she tried to stop herself from slapping him with the words of truth.

“Okay,” she muttered as she nodded her head as if he was going to see her do so. “The pain’s a ten – nine.” She corrected herself as she played along with the tendrils of her hair dangling loose from her bun.

“You have to be honest with me, Elsa.”

Elsa grunted silently, rolling her eyes. “I am being honest with you.” She heard him sigh.

“Walks can help you pass time.” He suggested.

She cursed silently. Walks? Pass time? What she needed was something that could make her feel nothing, not something to make her feel like a lunatic.

“Is there anything that could – could make me feel better?” And right after that, she hang up, her ire brewing inside her.

Throwing her phone carelessly at the side, she threw on a coat and stood up to take his advice. Frowning, she opened the door and slammed it once she was out.

“Looks like she decided to get out of that cave,” Anna muttered as she helped herself slip on her leather jacket, rolling her eyes.

He kept his hands in his pockets. “Would that affect our escapade?” He asked dryly as he looked up, his eyes meeting her icy ones.

“Just where are you going?” Her voice had a hint of weakness and pain in them as she eyed him dispassionately and turned to look at Anna.

Anna sighed as she gave him an apologetic look. “I’m going out.” She muttered quite childishly as she squared her shoulders.

“I can see that.” She stated coldly. “Do you even know him?” She pressed as she slowly walked down, wishing her knees won’t buckle.

It infuriated her how Elsa spoke of him as if he was a pest. “He has a name.” She countered.

“Hans Westergard, yes, I’m aware.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s a stranger to you. You can’t go out on a date with a stranger.”

“Yes, I can because this is my goddamn life!” Anna raised her voice as she slammed her fist on the coffee table.

“Well,” Elsa sighed as she tried to control her temper. “Don’t goddamn waste it.” She muttered bitterly as she turned to Hans, her hands shaking behind her, the pain sizzling. “You can leave.” She turned on her heels, hoping she would reach her room without putting on a show – a pity show to be precise.

“What did I ever do to you?” Anna screamed as she slapped his hand away.

Elsa’s head buzzed as she hugged herself. “Enough, Anna,”

“No. Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid off?” She demanded, the questions she had been asking herself for years finally out of her system, waiting to be answered.

The cold was unbearable. “Could you please pass me my – my coat?” Elsa shivered as she turned to Anna with pleading eyes.

She closed her eyes as she sucked in her breath and took off hers instead. Elsa extended her hand to reach for it desperately when she realized her sleeves were covered in blood.

Anna looked at it with bewilderment, and then averted her gaze to look Elsa in the eye, teal blue to azure ones. “Have – have you been cutting yourself?” She stuttered as she tugged on her sister’s wrist. “You’re – you – you’re cold.” All she could muster was a whisper as her own knees buckled.

“No – no, it’s not like that.” She mumbled. “I – I’m just – I’m just dying, Anna.”