Numb (a pierce the veil fanfiction)

Chapter three

Today was the day. A part of me knew yesterday that when the clock hit 6:00 my feelings wouldn't just magically turn into puppies and rainbows. Instead they remained dark clouds and there was no other metaphor to describe them.

As I sat at the edge of my bed, I realized how real everything was. It had finally set in that this could possibly be my new life. The boxes that were at my feet still remained unpacked, because I couldn't fathom the idea of having to repack everything once my mom has changed her mind and finally realizes the truth.

Every hour I checked my phone to see if I had any notifications, but none ever popped up. She still needs time.

I looked down to one of the boxes, and searched for the familiar book that has been my escape for so many years now. This was my home when I felt that I had no one else.

My fingers ran over the texture of the book cover, I opened the book and flipped to the middle where the little square cut out held a bunch of stainless steel razors. I stared in awe, which was a little bit more than pathetic. I just needed my fix so that I could get through school with the idea of knowing that they would be waiting for me when I got back. I wasn't referring to my mom, I was referring to these razors.

Deep breath.

No matter how much I tried to let the idea linger in my mind. I was not going to be okay.

I slid the razors in my front pocket and walked to the bathroom with my hair brush, to get ready for school. There was a deeper meaning behind that.

Before my hair or teeth were brushed, I sat against the bathroom door, painting a picture of a perfect life on my arm. A life where pain was a foreign feeling to me, and blood was something I saw after ripping out my hangnail. Not something that I saw everyday to make me feel okay. Why was this life planned out for me? Why was the torture still following me, cascading my life into something that made me regret waking up in the morning. I don't believe that I did anything to inhabit such torture, but I endure it.

A couple of tears fell as a warm feeling in my chest became too much. I miss my mom, I miss my sister. I miss my life. Why was something that was supposed to save my life turn it into such pain.

The blood had just about reached my pants, so I quickly rapped an old shirt around it and held it tightly.Why was I still trying to hold onto this pathetic excuse for a life?

When I knew the throbbing pain had stopped, I knew that the bleeding was gone.

Catonically, I brushed my hair, brushed my teeth and slid on a hoodie.

Ding

The bell to the school had already rung, but my aunt was still discussing some things with the counselor.

The whole time my stomach was leaping into my throat with my self diagnosed anxiety rising to an extreme.

"Okay Ms. Beverly right this way." The counselor stood at my feet. It took everything that I had in me to stand up. I had literally no energy, my eyes were burning with sleep deprevation, my stomach was starting to growl from not eating. I just wanted to go home. To my REAL home.

"Okay, so in Claremont High, the counselor's don't give a tour of the school to a new student. One of our honored students take that task, because who better than to show you around than someone who walks the same halls everyday, but know more of the dos and don't of school? Your tour guide is who you go to with any questions, and if she can't answer them, then you cone to me. " She walked me through the obvious cafeteria of the school. My eyes all but bulged out of my head.

This was the real definition of high school, there were so many round tables separated from one another. You could tell where all of the jocks sat, all of the band people sat, where all of the geeky kids sat. I never knew diversity really occurred in high schools like they show on the movies. I guess they got the idea from something.

The counselor motioned for someone to come where we stood, and a not so preppy, but also not so geeky girl greeted us at the door.

"Hi! Is this the new girl? Hi! My name is Clara, you can go, I have it from here." She shooed the counselor off.

This was really happening, I wanted to hide in a bathroom stall and cry.

Clara seemed really chipper and before I knew it she was grabbing my wrist and dragging me off to a table she recently retreated from.

"Okay so this is Skylar, this is Joy, and this is Esther," She pointed to each individual girl sitting at the table. "Everybody this is Danielle."

"Hi, we knew what your name was already. Clara has all but sang about you since finding out this weekend that she will finally be gaining a new student. "

They spoke to me so smoothly as if they have known me more than just 5 seconds. It was a nice distraction to be able to focus on other people than my thoughts.

"So here are the dos and don't." Clara began to name off the people who I should talk to and who I shouldn't talk to. "Don't, talk to Vic Fuentes." She stated firmly. "He's not for grabs." She looked back smugly at a guy who sat with the other jocks. He had curly locks,an olive completion and looks that could kill. The girls around the table giggled at her words. As she spoke I was more interested in the way he looked up towards me after he held each bite to his mouth. He tried to do it without gaining my attention, but I could just feel the eyes on me. Which there was many around this cafeteria, trust me.

"Also don't touch Mikey, because he's mine." Joy piped up with a giggle. School girls.

'They're only saying that because you're hot and they know you actually have a shot with them." Some guy, who was a little feminine said reaching over Clara's shoulder for her apple.

"Danielle, meet my annoying gay brother, Derek, aka Tyler." I just nodded my head towards him, and sat my face in my hands listening on to Clara.

"Pretty much no one here is bad news. There's not much bullying that goes around, just stay out of their way and they will stay out of yours."

Ding

I sat in the back of every class and ignored the stares of most students. Nothing can compare to the emptiness of being an environment that you are forced to be in with nothing you could do about it. An emptiness so deep that it tears your hope to shreds and creates a darkness that you have feared your whole life. For how long Mother, how long until you finally want me again?