Rant Book

Emma here (depression warning)

hi i guess... probably the first time i write in this. i feel like s**t. i wanna die. dont worry tho, i wont actually commit suicide because im too chicken to actually do it.

but most of the time i think about doing it. i just finished having another mental breakdown. i seem to be having them a lot recently... i dont feel like living anymore... while caden and christine are here for me, i feel like just another burden to them... crap im starting to cry again heh. anyway, i feel like if im not here anymore then i wont have to burden anyone. my mom doesnt care about me, my brother hates me, my dad doesnt give a flying **** about me either...

i dont see the point anymore... ive been noticing my mood changes lately... ive become more numb to certain things, i feel more scared to say anything in case i get yelled at... the only thing that's keeping me going nowadays is music, but even somedays it doesnt work.

my anxiety has gotten worse... i think... ive become more sensitive to things lately.

i just... i just dont want to feel anymore... if i become numb and have no emotions then i wont get hurt anymore. it seems like the best option. i dont have to be a problem to anyone anymore. they dont have to worry about me. the more numb i become, the less of a problem i become.

i already know im not good enough for anybody to love or care about. im starting to see that everyday... my mom already has enough problems, and im just another one of them. my brother hates me and i can understand why. funny thing is, is that i wasnt supposed to be born. that's right i was an accident...

they were only supposed to have my brother. he was planned while i wasnt. if i wasnt here then their life would be so much easier. they dont have to deal with a stupid little girl who easily pisses them off and causes them problems.

i guess thats all for now. i dont really know what else to say. so bye i guess...