I've spent all of middle school staring at this boy. Hell, I've spent all of Freshman and Sophomore year looking at him. Not in a creepy way, obviously. I'm not a freak or something.
Okay so what if I am a freak? I don't care. I don't care at all.
Except I do care.
I care a lot, and I know damn well Theo doesn't go for freaks, or guys for that matter so I should just stop.
But there's something about him. Maybe its his perfectly messy hair or his beautiful blue eyes. Those brilliant blue eyes. It could also be the way he laughs like someone just told him the most hilarious thing in the whole world.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I make eye contact with Theo. I instantly look at my hands, praying he didn't see me staring. I start sweating like crazy and my glasses slip to the end of my nose. It feels like everyone is staring at me.
"Hey there." Theo said walking over to me. I feel like throwing up.
"Are you okay? You look like you're gonna throw up." My best friend Bella puts her hand on my back.
Bella is a very different type of person. She has this wild rainbow dyed hair and is always wearing insanely bright clothes. She doesn't care what anyone says or thinks about her and I envy that.
"I'm fine." My voice cracks. Oh dear lord. I can feel my ears get hot.
Theo chuckles. "I'll see you around then." He gave me a tiny two finger wave and headed to lunch. That gesture makes my heart beat out of my chest for some reason.
"Okay, what the hell was that Evan?" Bella laughs and crosses her arms over her chest. She was wearing the dumbest sweater. Its bright green and has the word "Slay" over her chest. She also has like, eight bracelets on.
"What are you talking about?" I pretend I have no idea. I grip my blue sweatshirt tightly. The sick feeling grew.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about Evan." She smirks. Bella's always so weird about stuff.
"It was nothing. Lets get lunch." I quickly change the subject.
"Whatever you say dude." She senses my discomfort and drops the subject. She leads the way to the cafeteria, otherwise known as hell.
I hate lunch. I wish I could just hide in the bathroom for it but I'd be labeled as a creep, who hides in the bathroom, and frankly my reputation isn't very good to begin with.
It's the first day of Junior year so everyone is bouncing from table to table to see their friends and tell them who's with who and who did what during the summer.
I spent my sumner doing what every teenager with no friends does; hiding in my room with the blinds shut wishing for existence to end.
Okay, so that was a bit of an exaggeration but for the most part it was true.
Bella spent most of her summer as a camp consuler, so I saw her like twice. And I fucking hate my parents so I was almost always in my room.
Long story short, I hate the first day of school and not for the reason everyone else does. I hate it because everyone had such an eventful summer and no one will shut the hell up about it. It gets old really fast when you hear about how amazing and fun other peoples lives are and you realize you are a desperately lonely weirdo.
I grab a tray and get in the lunch line. I hear Theo laughing. He's with his usual group of football players and cheerleaders, which kind of sums up who he is. Some blonde threw a grape and he caught it in his mouth. She was wearing his usual red and black letterman jacket. I bite my cheek.
"Move it lame ass." Some guy shoves me forward in the line.
"Oof. Sorry." I quickly apologize. I grab my food and go sit down next to Bella.
"Whats with the face?" She asks as soon as I sit down.
"What face?" I genuinely have no clue what she's talking about.
She clicked her tongue. "You were staring at that guy again weren't you?"
"What?" I say as quick as I can. "What are you talking about? What boy?" I am an awful liar. I can feel myself blushing.
"Evan that's adorable." She smiled. "Whats his name?" Bella is the type of person who is in everyone's bussiness all the time, so its weird that she doesn't know Theo. He's like the most popular guy in school.
"Theo." I mumble and start messing with my food. I feel embarrassed.
Bella ruffled my hair. "Evan, that's so cute." She clicked her tongue.
I feel my face flush more. I don't like that she noticed, because that means everyone has noticed and that means Theo's noticed.
Oh dear Lord is that why he came over to me earlier? I've completely lost my appetite now. I push my tray away from me and Bella digs in.
I hear him laugh again and I can't help but look over. The blonde chick is giggling with him. I sigh and lay my head on the table.
"He'll never like me." I sigh again.
Bella puts her arm around me. "Its okay bud. Things will work out."
Only I know they won't because I'm a freak and Theo is not. Theo is as close to perfect as they come and I'm as close to garbage as possible.
Sometimes I wish things were different, and only sometimes is all the time. I wish things were different. I wish I was actually somebody with friends. I wish he'd notice me, not in a weird way, obviously.
Maybe I'm just destined to be weird? I don't even believe in destiny but it feels like I'm meant to be a loner and a loser. And it sucks. It sucks really bad.
