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Aries: "Another amazing breakthrough!"
Taurus: "Murdered!"
Leo: "Gone missing!"
Gemini: "Pregnant again?"
Libra: "Happiest person on earth?!"
Virgo: "Guilty of murder!"
Cancer: "Finally found two years later after the kidnapping!"
Scorpio: "Had sex with a monkey?"
Capricorn: "Billionaire loses all the money!"
Aquarius: "Medical marvel!"
Pisces: "Just got raped!"
Sagittarius: "Drug addict!"

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