Into The Abyss Of Blood

chapter 1

Emptiness...
That is all I ever felt.
I never felt happy, sad, angry or even a fraction of feelings inside me.

I didn't feel happy when I got presents.
I didn't feel angry when my classmates made fun of me.
I didn't feel sad when people shunned me.
It was as if I wasn't even human.
My mother, however, was not willing to just give up.
She would bring me to doctors who in the end conclude I'm a lost cause.

She would bring me to shamans who would say that the so-called 'spirit' inside me is too powerful.

She would bring me to monks who would silently shake their heads when they see me.

My father though was different he would not scold me, he would not try to cure me nor would he try to change me.

He would smile at me and tell me that I am just like him when he was young. But for some reason, my mother would start to hysterically cry when she hears him say that.

As the days pass my mother became even more desperate.

Towards that woman who tried so hard I felt ...pity.
Perhaps that is why I started acting like other children.

I would laugh, I would cry, I would get angry...

But inside I felt nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

But, I suppose deep inside she knew I was merely acting as well.

As the years passed I saw that those around me would constantly talk about this emotion known as...love.

It seemed irrelevant to me though.

But then they would ask me if I had someone I liked and all I could do was give a fake smile.

Seeing all of them like this ...
I felt...curious.

I was a very curious person... I suppose. I could go to great lengths to satisfy my curiosity.

Therefore, I tried almost everything but was unable to obtain any results.

I even used a plier to rip my toenail off, but then the only result I got was a long lecture from my mother.

After that incident, my mother bought me a cat.
Apparently to teach me the importance of caring for another.

I found it to be obedient, hence I had no complaints.

One particular day, I was alone at home doing...well, nothing really.

Except I felt a bit...odd?.
My hands felt tingly and it was really uncomfortable.

The cat laid down beside my feet, I ignored it.

Perhaps it noticed me ignoring it, for it started rubbing its head against my thigh.

I looked down wanting to push it away but then froze.
The tingling sensation in my fingers increased.

I felt ringing in my ears and my mouth became parched, seeing its furry body I felt an ... urge.
I wondered how it would feel to just crush its petite neck...
And I did just that.

I tightly wrapped my fingers around its furry neck.
It struggled and screeched in an attempt to escape, but its efforts were in vain.

Soon enough I felt it go limp in my arms.
I looked at it.
Its eyes were wide open and mouth ajar, its tongue rolled out from the side as well.

From just one look it was obvious the cat's death was extremely painful.

I felt the tingling finally cease. I felt strangely giddy.

But I also felt it was not enough.

I wanted more...much more.

I regretted killing it so quick...perhaps I should have cut its legs of then gouged its eyes!

I felt so restless and giddy at the very thought of it.
Very well I'll be sure to do so next time!