Dark Night

Consultancy

The next day John and I didn't talk about skating at all. We were on to the ACTs, which were being held the week before the world championships. The top three male US skaters had qualified, which included John and the skater from my house. But none of my friends or I were doing as well on the ACT practice exams as we had on the SATs, and tension was rising. My English teacher helped, though, having a class period devoted to tips for testing, and my math teacher held a half-day session on Saturday where she also taught us some tricks and techniques for testing. My faith in my abilities was still a little wobbly, though.

I took some time to talk to the guidance counselor, both about ACTs and what my parents were doing. She was very pleased that they were seeing a therapist and we talked about my expectations (low) and the need to remember to give them a decent chance to redeem themselves.

"I know I said I'm not choosing sides, but that isn't quite accurate," she said. "I'm on your side in that I want to help you achieve your goals, which in your case is to get good grades and test scores so that you can go to your first choice school, and to normalize your relationship with your parents. I'm here to help you figure out strategies achieve these goals, not tell you what to do or pass judgment on you or anybody in your family. And from this perspective, I think you're doing well. You're working hard, both at school and at home, and it looks like it's paying off. Now, UC-SD isn't as scary as you might think. It's hard to be calm, of course, because the SATs aren't back yet and the ACTs are coming up, but let's look at the numbers. For GPA, the school is highly competitive, 4.0 on a weighted average. Our school doesn't do weighted GPAs, but unweighted, you have, let's see..." she pulled up my record quickly. "3.92.  You have very few low-level classes and nothing lower than a B. You're doing really well. The university, interestingly enough, is only moderately competitive with standard testing, so it's not time to panic, and California residents have an advantage in admissions. Do your best on the ACTs, and when the test scores start coming back, we can refine a plan if we need to. We probably won't."  

Reassured, I went back to class.

Thursday night, the skater and I got home at about the same time. "What did you tell Tang about skating?" he said abruptly, as I was hanging up my jacket.

I shrugged. "We talked about how figure skating has changed over time, the athletic scores being more important these days over the artistic scores, some famous skaters from the past, physics as it applies to skating. I told him he could stand to be more expressive."

"Why would you help him?" he asked crossly.

"He's my friend." I shrugged. "He asked for my opinion. Talk's free, and I'm not an acknowledged expert on skating, as I'm sure you'll remind me."

"He's my competition." Mom was frowning as she looked at us.

"You're the one who always says he can win if he skates a clean program, lands the jumps. This isn't football, where somebody else can prevent you from scoring. If you're worried, up your game."

"And how do I do that, know-it-all?"

"Stan!" Mom said.

"You already know," I countered evenly. "Literally everybody's told you. Artistic expression is more than waving your arms a few times like a spastic waterfowl. But do it or not, not my problem. I have no control over what you or John does."

He grunted at me and turned away, tromping down to his room, shutting the door behind him.

"Delia," Mom said. I looked over. "What was all that about?"

"John heard about the confrontation at the rink, so I told him what had happened, that he was bothering me, we had a bit of a fight, he poked me, I lost my balance and fell. He asked if I was ok, said that my brother is really gifted if not very aware of things that aren't skating, and I said that he wasn't the only one. He asked what I mean, and I said that his skating could use more texture and expression. All I offered were my opinions, and they're not unique to me."