◇Fuck Society◇

The Beginning

So I'm starting high school in a few months, I don't know if I'm more excited or scared. People always ask me what I want to do when I'm older or what high school I dream to get into but honestly I don't know and quite frankly I don't care. Well obviously I want to get into a good school but ive been stressed out for days and completely forgotten about all the high school stuff, I feel like I can never share my thoughts to anyone not even my parents well...parent but you know that's just life. Most people would consider me emo at my school which there wasn't that many of, everyone would always try to fit into a certain group and like mostly every school in philadelphia we also had the stereo types and just to name a few we had the "popular kids" the computer geeks, the singer's, the ghetto than lastly that leaves me..and a few other people "The artsy students".

I wasn't completely alone at school though I have a few friends which I don't know if I should name but just to clarify their good people I don't know what I would've done without them seriously, I would've probably killed myself just being honest. I would say I'm depressed or just seeking attention one of the two, anyway I live with my mom, my little sister and my nefew my older sister visits frequently like mostly every day just to watch her son but leaves every night as soon as he falls asleep. It's quite annoying when he wakes up in the middle of the night and she's not here making me the next one responsible for him. My younger sister always tells me I'm lazy and never does anything for our family which honestly hurts me but I don't show it cause I don't know how to respond, like honestly how could you respond back to your little sibling calling you lazy and immature not even in a joking manner like actually serious.

My dad's always trying to find a way to jump back into my life which sucks because I don't want him to, he's actually annoying always trying to text and call me, picking me up from school which is partly why I get made fun of. I don't look anything like my parents their both foreign from vietnam while I look like I just came straight out from valley girl, even when I was born my mom told me as I was handed over to her by a nurse she asked her "Is this even my daughter?" Just to describe how I look like I'm a natural blonde with blue eyes as for my parents they both have dark brown slightly black hair and dark brown eyes, so just imagine being handed a bright blonde blue eyed infant and being told it was your child, you would probably think my mom cheated or something but she didn't. I can't explain how I am and over the years I've started doubting my parents actually believing that I've been adopted by these two random asian people and that my real american family was somewhere out there. My family wasn't exactly perfect besides the confusing daughter part, we had a few rough patches that I think will never be fixed.

I don't like who I am and I've been trying for years to change but it's just hard for me ya know?, I listen to music and watch youtube videos as soon as I get out of school and on the weekends 24/7 and the only time I actually leave my room is when I'm hungry or need to use the bathroom. In school I feel out of place and awkward I guess that's where my social anxiety kicks in :/. I also sing and sometimes draw but I feel like there both just a hobby and not really what I want to do, actually no that's a lie I want to do music when I grow older you know like write and perform my own music that type of stuff. I feel like I'm not good enough though and that's why I don't have that much of a passion for it, it's pretty sad.

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Big mood😫: