Before I begin the actual boy talk, this will hold true all of my life that all I want is to be happy. Adversity has slapped me and abused my hope. Suicide, I was a train wreck grasping for life on wobbly deflating rafts. Nobody has seen the heart break and mental abuse. The mother, an irresponsible flake who killed my self esteem growing up. The father, anger issues and big headedness. The step dad, a pervert who made me feel unsafe and excluded me from him and my mother's closeness. I knew from the start I was an accident but don't worry I felt like one too. Boys. They were a mystery. Never felt wanted by a boy. Never felt pretty or genuinely attractive. Self doubt attacked my aches and I cried myself to sleep almost every single night out of insecurity and loneliness. I was made fun of numerous times growing up always felt left out or not good enough. Ugly, awkward and weird is all I felt. A gaping whole with no one to fill. This emptiness inside my stomach, the mirror made me feel fat and disgusting. I'd be proud if I didn't eat that day. Body dysmorphia all my life until now. Now I feel okay. Out of all the hardship I feel alright. Growing up wasn't easy and nobody can deny what I know to be true. I was broken and completely depressed. I always did a great job of hiding this of course. You would probably never know. Especially not my parents, I'm the queen of silent crying. Broken is how I look back and see myself my entire life. I can already see my mom calling me dramatic saying I haven't had that hard of a life. People constantly telling me how I should feel or how I should see things. Well this is it and nobody can change it. Rape, cheating, molesting, it all has led to who I am today and I know there sure as hell is more to come. All I know is it lead to a boy. A 6'3 Australian 22 year old boy. A boy.
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Introducing Me
Non-FictionOlder boy shows a depressed sex addict what it's like to value someone. What it's like to be held and cared about she has never known the feeling of before.
