What if ?(Harry Potter style)

What if Harry was a tad bit smarcastic ?

Author note: Smarcastic means smart and sarcastic if ya didn't know. This story is crazy and weird and is all one shot. If you couldn't understand from my terrible summary, it means that it is a one shot for each question. Anyway, hope you enjoy and I know the writing is weird but I hope that I can improve as I go along. Feel free to point out mistakes and I will try my best to fix it without changing the story too much. Also if you're here to flame, I will let you know I don't play that game and will ignore it. So ciao and I hope this read satisfies the need for books and fanfictions. Ps, Feel free to offer one shot questions and I will try to make them into a chappie. Now that I'm done with this over sized author note, please enjoy

"Yo Dumb-Door, when can I go up" said a handsome, young teen with raven locks and magnificent green eyes. He had slight messy long locks that seemed to be made out of shadows and they looked as if they were just slightly tousled in the wind. His face had an aristocratic shape to it and had delicate yet strong features. His eyes were a green that was extremely rare in both the muggle world and the wizarding world. They were an Avada Kedavra green, the eyes reminding knowledgeable wizards of one of the Unforgivables, the killing curse. While in another life, he needed to wear glasses in this life as a blooming teen model/actor in the muggle world, glasses were not an option.

"My boy, could you please wait a few moments like the rest of the students" said Albus got-to-many-names-to-type Dumbledore, not knowing who this remarkable and good looking child was. "'Scuse me for being impolite" said the teen, who while speaking loudly on purpose turned an elegant shade of pink that took over the teen's cheeks. Lots of girls, new students and the female students from Level 3 below sighed, knowing that a boy that good looking couldn't possibly be real. HE WAS JUST TO HANDSOME AND EVEN THOUGH HE HADN'T PASSED PUBERTY YET, he was incredibly good looking. For the girls who were muggleborn, they recognized the teen as Derek Le Fey, who was a famous teen who started modeling by the age of 6 after a talent show at his school were he attracted the attention of a famous producer. With his photographic memory and his adorable face, he became the favored child actor since he began. Little was known about his real life and he become one of the top celebrities from Britain." But sir, unless my mom was unfaithful towards my dad or you, Professor Albus Dumbledore, super important dude who everyone sucks up to, did something unthinkable to my mum then I'm not your kid. I'm sure a quick blood test or if you guys have some spell for that will let'cha now." Silence greeted him. "Then everything's all good eh. SO could we speed this up" he said smirking a tad bit.

Professor McGonagall stood up from her seat. "Now what gives you the authority to order around Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin (first class), Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot" she said angrily, some how in one breath. "I'm not trying to order him around" said the boy, who while sounding sorry had a hidden gleam in his eye, letting no one except maybe those close to him know that he was up to no good. "Desole(sorry) Mademoiselle, it's just that before I left the muggle world after being dropped off into a family who hates anything to do with magic and me for over 10 years, I was forced to do many chores like the creatures you call house elves. This is just rather exciting for me as I never experienced something like this. I did only learn my name when I had to go to school. Before than I was only called freak or useless or worse and I was verbally and physically abused..... Also since I am still rather tired after yesterday's beating and would like to sit down, but I guess that is the fault of having a last name so far back in the alphabet" he said, his voice going deep, as if raw with emotions. It sounded like he was holding back tears. McGongall sat back down, rather embarassed. The boy looked up, "Oh sorry. I apologize for bringing that depressing topic up. It must disturb you" he said, sounding regretful.

Everyone in the hall felt sorry, for this fae like boy who looked so innocent and heart broken. Many adults in the room were incredibly angered, as children were a gift to the world. Especially in the wizarding world, where it was hard to just have one child. The children, were determined to meet the kid and hear more about his life. Since gossip traveled so quickly at Hogwarts and it was already pointed out from the muggleborn children who recognized the boy that he was extremely talented and well known. And as the newest hunk-to-be on campus, oh how much gossip would travel through Hogwarts' ancient walls would be astounding. Albus clapped his hands and declared in a loud voice that they will try to hurry the Sorting, but one must not rush a decision that shall shape your entire life. Kids grumbled, at least the ones interested in this Derek Le Fey. That was obviously not his real name as they were at the letter n. They continued to wait, until one name was called. That name was Harry Potter.

Everyone, children and adult wizards alike scanned the room. Harry rolled his eyes. He slipped through the small crowd of kids remaining to be chosen and went to sit on the seat near the Sorting Hat. The hall's attention was soon brought to the chair from the shout of some child from Ravenclaw. There he was sitting, one leg over the other like a king as he stare down the hall. Harry smiled, slightly snarkily at the surprise that was written on everyone's faces. 'Oh how funny was it to see Dumb-door with his mouth hanging open, ready to catch flies. "Well, aren't we going to commence the Sorting" he said. The hat was quickly placed on his head.

'Could you please stretch this out for a while, Mr. Hat' asked Harry. 'What did you say' asked the surprised hat. Not only was he shocked by how clear the kid's mind was but of how strong the defense surrounding it was. 'How ?' 'First of all, I want to do it to spite everyone and second, my mind is closed off from everyone even myself when I am awake. I am just leaving it open, for it to just record everything with my photographic memory. I will organize everything in my sleep, leaving my subconscious control over my body which.....' said Harry. 'Which allows you to have walls around your mind that are so strong that even you wouldn't be able to access your own mind, making an impenetrable wall. Which means everything that you read or record with your mind, is sorted in your sleep so that when you need it it appears suddenly (like a google search). That, that is incredible' said the hat. The strongest Occlumency possible, made from an unexplainable chain reaction of things. 'That is amazing!'said the hat, astounded by the kid. They continued to talk, and Harry learned as much as he could learn from the magical hat about the wizarding world. The hat told him all the books, (that he instantly remembered) that he would need for the next 7 years of his life. The boy let the hat know of his escapades and before long, 30 minutes had gone by. Harry asked the hat if he could transfer some of his power into harry so that they may continue to communicate. The hat agreed and it was done. There was only one problem left.

'I can't decide what house you should be in' declared the hat. 'How 'bout you say undecided until further moment and tell them that I am in a class of my own and we will continue to communicate' said Harry jokingly. The things the hat had heard over the years were hilarious and for once, Harry liked someone or something at least. 'You know what, sure' said the Hat. Harry laughed. This was to funny. He decided he was going to like this hat. (that sounded so weird to type)

"Harry Potter, heir of the Potter line and magical heir of Merlin and the founder of Hogwarts
(just 'cus I can is the reason he is so important ) is know chosen to be representative of Hogwarts aka he is so awesome and is going to end up somewhere good in life, is like a Mini Headmaster and he will have his own tower with a schedule of my choosing" shouted out the ancient artifact, known as the Sorting Hat. Harry took the Hat off and took in the shocked faces of the children around him. He laughed, a chuckle that sent shivers down a certain dark lords back. He watched the last kids get sorted, ate some food beside the Potions professor who was giving him some not so subtle looks and hurried towards a lone tower across the hall from the Headmaster. 'Oh', Harry thought 'this was just too much like that movie he stared in last year. 'Mary Topper was it, what a coincidence that I am actually a wizard, next thing you know I'm supposed to defeat some big bad guy and be some foolish hero of light, as if' Harry thought

Later that night, a scream pierced the air, one filled with ironic sarcasm and an upset tone. Unbeknownst to all those awakened from the cry, the Hat began to tell Harry about his future in the wizarding world.