i woke up one morning..
got a message on my phone from my friend...
it says, "Z is gone.. met an accident yesterday.."
i laughed after reading it, not taking it seriously...
i pause for a moment then think..
"no! how could it be.. we we're just together just the other day...
i even greeted her for it's her birthday..
no! this is a big bad joke!"
i went to the church where her body rest...
i found my friends in there..
crying.. grieving for her lost..
i stand still in the entrance of the church, 'till someone came and say,
"get inside.. she doesn't want you to stand there for long.."
i took a chair.. thinking what's going on..
"is this a joke?! is this part of her birthday trick?!"
(how i wished it is)
it takes time before i've earned enough courage to look if it's really her laying in the coffin..
i felt the world turn beneath my feet as i stared at her...
lifelessly laying inside a coffin...
i pinch my self.. wishing it would wake me up from a nightmare..
but nothing happens..
i even didn't feel the pain...
for the pain in my heart is all i'm feeling that time...
realizing that what's in front of me isn't a dream...
it's the painful reality..
she's laying in front of me..
motionless... lifeless...
tears rolled down my face as the truth rushed into my mind...
Z's dead!!!!!!!!!!!!
no!!!!! not her!!!!! why does it had to be her?????!!!!!
she'd never done wrong...
she's a great friend... a great daughter....
but why her????!!!!
questions filled my mind...
but i found no answers for that...
all that i have is the inevitable fact that Z is dead...
and there's no possible cure nor solution to bring her life back...
i even talk to God and offer half my life just to wake me up one morning
and find out that she's alive though i know it's impossible...
two days after her death i dreamt of her..
she's standing beside me while looking at her lifeless body laying in a coffin...
she looked at me in the eyes and hold my hand...
when i woke up, i realized it's her way of saying,
"it's fine... i'll be fine... you don't have to worry for me... i'll be happy to the place where i will be... you're not going to lose me... i'll be watching from above... you can let go of me now..."
i cried and cried that night...
thinking it's really the end of everything...
i must say goodbye to a friend i cherished very much...
on the day of her burial...
i took the chance of the last glimpse i could have of her...
her beautiful face... her angelic voice... her sweet smiles...
all my memories of her will stay in my heart 'till the last second of my life...
and now as i reminisce all those days we've shared...
tears rolled down my face...
thinking, what if she's here?
what if she's alive?
may be life would better...
thinking i might bump into her one day while i'm heading to work...
and knowing that she's just a phone call away...
all these thoughts will just be a part of my impossible wish...
for now, all i can do is to hold on to our memories...
one of the most valuable memories i ever had...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
* i wrote this one last july 11, 2011..
actually i've wrote lots of poems before..
serves as my outlet for my grieving..
tomorrow would be her birthday..
and after 3days would be her death anniversary..
right, she died 3days after her birthday..
this is for a great friend whom i'll always cherish..
where ever you are, you know you'll always be remembered by me..
as promised i'll live my life to the fullest and let no obstacle block my way..
sabi mo nga "wag mong problemahin ang problema.. hayaan mong ang problema ang mamroblema sayo.."
(maybe some will say this is exaggerated.. but know what? I thought that way too.. but when it’s already in front of you, happening right before your eyes, you’ll realize it’s not like what you used to think.. MASAKIT PALA TALAGA.. LALO NA KUNG NAGING TOTOO ANG PAGKAKAIBIGAN NIYO..)
