02042013
She suddenly hit my mind again.. For what reason? That’s also something I can’t understand.. Maybe because it’s February again.. As I can remember back when we were still in our third year in high school, she’s so excited for our upcoming JS Prom.. Among all in our batch, I think she’s the most excited about it. How can I say? Simply because it’s just June that time and yet she kept on talking about how excited she was to experience that event.. But sadly, she’s not around anymore when that day came..
Life is really full of surprises.. Now you have it, but you can never say when you’re going to lose it.. Just like her.. In less than a month after the start of school year and just three days after her birthday, we lost her.. A tragedy that still lingers in my mind and my heart.. The pain it caused still occupied a big part of me.. And the lessons I’ve learned because of that tragedy will always be with me..
It’s just funny how we mourn for the loved ones we lost.. We hardly sleep, eat, or even talk.. All we do is think of that loved one who parted already.. We cried almost every night, wishing that everything was just a dream, a very bad dream.. Some even tends to commit suicide, unable to accept the painful fact that we can never be with them again.. Being in a place where you used to be makes you want to turn back time when you were together.. Just by the mere sight of a thing which she used to like or a food that you used to share with makes you remember her and cry.. But what hurts the most is to talk on what happened to her and to come and visit her grave for the first time after her burial.. It takes a lot of courage to say that she’s gone and you must gather all the strength and will you have to come and see her name being engraved in her tomb stone, reminding you that everything that happened isn’t just a night mare, to the point that it almost tear your heart apart.. You can literally feel the pain in your heart.. That pain that no one can ever define..
But the mourning didn’t last.. At first you make to a point that you didn’t forget to visit her grave, but as years goes by you hardly have the time to even lit a candle for her.. And talking about what happened didn’t feel the same.. It’s as if your just talking about what happened to your daily routine.. You’ll feel the pain sometimes, but not as intense as it was before.. You can even make a joke about it, saying that “it’s her lost that she didn’t stay”.. That she didn’t had the chance to experience the things you’re experiencing, but at the end of it you will say, “Sayang! Sayang wala na sya! Sayang hindi namin sya nakasama sa mga taon na nagdaan! Sayang, pero alam ko kung nasaan man sya ngayon, alam ko Masaya na sya!”
