Again, this does include depression and thoughts of suicide.
Your pov.
It has been couple days since my little down day and it just progressed from there. The thing with depression, you can have the most wonderful day in the world but there will always be that little voice nagging you, trying it's best to make you feel useless.
I ignore the little voice and hold everything back, till I can no longer. I always but on a fake smile and add a little giggle so people won't know. I've done this since I was eight.
In fact, I was extremely suicidal, in both realms. (In case you forgot)
I haven't ate today and Laurence is getting worried. I tell it's nothing and it will pass eventually. But he's not too pleased with that reply.
We ended up arguing, he couldn't understand why I was so upset. He couldn't understand that I wasn't hungry and that I didn't want to do the stuff I usually enjoy.
I tried to explain to him that it wasn't my choice to be like this, it wasn't my choice to feel down and depressed.
The night ended with me crying, something I don't do often. I can't stand having to talk about this stuff, having to explain my problems. He wants to understand, but what he doesn't know is that I don't either. I don't know why I'm depressed, yes, I have had many, many reasons to be but, right now I'm safe; I have someone that cares deeply for me.
But, I can't get rid of this illness. That's what it is, an illness, a disease. That stuff doesn't just disappear, sadly.
So, after the argument, I think he realize how much it can effect me when I went outside, into the darkness. Right now, I couldn't care less if I was killed our just fell over, dead. I decided to recite some spoken word.
"I'm sorry." I hear a soft voice behind me.
"You didn't know." I reply, just as soft.
"But you were trying to tell me and I just ended up making the situation worse for you." Laurence says.
"It's fine, I know that it's frustrating, it frustrated my parents too, they were always worried for me." My voice quieted at mentioning my parents.
I feel arms wrap around me. "You get insomnia?"
"Some nights my thoughts are too loud to sleep." I answer.
"Anxiety?" I let out a humorless laugh.
"Had it since 3rd grade, I think."
He just hugs me tighter. Sometimes you just need a hug in the silence.
I think Laurence got the memo too, cause he quit asking questions.
We sit there for over an hour, me clinging to him and him gently swaying me as he held me close.
"We should get inside." I say, breaking to silence.
"I know you don't want to." He responds.
"But you do. You're tired, don't even try to deny it." I say, pulling away from our embrace. "Come on." I grab his hand and lead him back to the cabin.
We get to bed and lay down. He spoons me from behind and we both fall asleep.
YOU ARE READING
Who Knew?! (Laurence X Reader
Fanfiction**TRIGGER WARNING** Completed Y/N started college and had to share a room with Laurence, her middle school crush. Middle school and high school was when she was the goody goody, but when she was 16 she disappeared. Now, she is the one you don't wan...
