Dear World,
My name is Sam and I have struggled with who I truly am for a while now. Throughout my life I have questioned myself. Every step I make. Every thought I think. Each part of my life was planned out clearly and precisely. I was to go along and act the part of what people deemed normal and good. I tried to the best of my ability to make everything good. As I was growing up my sister used to say there was something abnormal about me. She used to say, "If anyone is the dyke in the family it is you". When I was younger I had no idea what that meant. It wasn't until I was older and started to develop romantic feelings that I fully understood.
I had a lot of feelings for different types of people. My first crush in middle school was a girl. It was pretty confusing because I knew I also liked guys. I told a close friend of mine and low and behold she told everyone I was a lesbian that would prey off them. Little old middle school me didn't understand why people could be this harsh. To this day I still don't know. Do you, World?
When I started high school I started to develop feelings for a close friend of mine. However, she was straight and I didn't know what to do. When a guy asked me out I jumped at the offer because I thought it would give me a chance to let go of my feelings. It did not. In fact that relationship made me never want to date anyone again. You don't realize what kind of people lived in the world until you date a person that turns into your stalker. Trust me world, it's not fun.
The summer I turned sixteen, I came out to my mother as pansexual. We got in an argument about whether certain aspects of the LGBTQ+ community are even real things. She asked me why I "knew so much" and was trying to "defend them". I told her it was because I was a part of the community. She told me it was all in my head and that I have only ever liked boys and that I am straight. I started to cry because my parents always claim to be supporters of who you choose to be, but my mother wasn't going to let me become who I truly am. She apologized and we have never talked about it since.
I have another two years to wait before I can truly express myself. I will go out into the world and be who I truly am. Won't that be nice, World? I will have the freedom to finally be me and it won't confuse me anymore. I can do this and so can the many other kids who are struggling to find who they truly are.
Love,
@2ndReilly
