MY Fight Against Depression

Hiding Depression

Just a daily lil inspirational passage? IDEK 

Depression is like a bad game of hide and go seek (in my opinion). Constantly having this unnerving angst while attempting the hide and never be found. Having depression has put me in some mild predicaments.

When you endure depression, it's like you're sailing through sea on this small leaky boat. At some points you're overtaken by a gust of water, the waves differing in size. And throughout it all you're slowly drowning, alone, in a cold dark sea. Depression also happens to cause you to find previous hobbies unsatisfactory in addition to having this depressed mood. Sometimes people ask, "Yo, why don't you enjoy softball anymore?" And I cant honestly answer that. It's not that I despise softball, I just don't contain the urge to participate anymore, wondering, what's the point? In all honesty depression is a mystery to most, including me. Depression is on a scale and some cases of depression can be quite severe, although some barely there but existent. The triggers of depression differ quite a bit too. You've all read about why I'm depressed. Although I doubt it's the same situation for everyone, But despite them all being very diverse, they all have one major thing in common; pain. It's a fight for your life. And a battle many people lose. Although you need to keep fighting. It hurts, I know. Giving in to depression is deadly. Suicidal thoughts are a regular thought for me, but I push them to the back of my head for a while. If you gave into depression you'd be letting those thoughts control you, which can have catastrophic after effects. When I feel suicidal or just plain depressed, I think, what keeps me going? And yes many people out there say they have nothing, but I find that quite unbelievable. You just have to point out the good in life instead of seeking for the bad. Hm. Let me think about what I have. I have a family. And although they might not be the best they provide shelter and are still alive. I have amazing friends. Despite the few outbursts my friends have, they're truly good. Most of them might not be aware of my depression but they still show affection and compassion for me despite my obvious flaws (imperfectly perfect). Although I've realized I can open up to them. They might not understand perfectly but nobody can be the star quarterback in the NFL with their first try (WEAR PROTECTIVE GEAR). If they can't handle all of ya sexiness (inner Beyonce) then they don't deserve you. I could only hide behind a fake smile and bubbly act for so long. Containing it doesn't help. Release all the feels. Hope that helped a little!