Hungry

*2*

Have you ever felt like you could never be the best?

Cuz I felt that was lots of times. Despite small motivating voices in my head and some people, the competitions, grades, rankings all determined that my friends were always ahead of me or I was always in "second place"; when I take one step ahead, they are already 2 steps ahead of me. I consider this as part of the things that induce my stress and have low self-esteem. As a result of this, I feel like my insecurities are growing larger and larger. I don't know what to do.. I feel like I should try my best but if I do, and I did, I was still couldn't beat my friends or someone once. Don't take this the wrong way. Of course I want my friends to achieve a lot of good things and of course I sincerely am proud of them, but I feel like my efforts and diligence are sometimes  not paying off...