Consequences

Chapter 5

Lucy's POV

A few weeks later

"Hey!" I greet Ian as I open the door.

"Hi." He replies and hugs me.

"So what's this week's country?" I ask him as we walk into the kitchen and start taking the food out of the shopping bags.

We've spent a lot of time together lately. We see each other almost every day and a while ago we decided to have a thematic dinner every week. One of us chooses a country and then we cook something from there.

"How do you feel about Italy?"

"Great! I love Italian food. What are we going to cook?"

"Whatever you want. I brought a lot of things so we have a few options."

"How about some ricotta and spinach ravioli?"

"Sounds good. Let me try to find a good recipe online." He replies and takes his phone out.

I stare at him while he looks at the phone and sigh. As soon as I saw him that first day, outside my dressing room, I knew this would happen. I knew I would lose control and want to tell him everything. I knew my heart would lose the battle against my brain.

I should have pushed him away while I could but the more time I spend with him the more I want him around. Since he arrived we've been spending so much time together and it always feels so good. When we are together I forget about everything that went wrong in my life and what a mess I am and feel happy. I smile, laugh and enjoy myself and when I look at the clock it's late and Ian has to leave. That's when reality hits me. As soon as I close the door all the demons come back and haunt me. I remember that I'm alone, that I'm broken and scared. And worse than that, I remember it. In those moments all I want to do is open the door and run after him. I've lost count of the number of times I've wanted to run to his arms and tell him everything.

I've seen how much he cares and worries about me. I can see it in his eyes. Not once did he push me into telling him what happened and he's always respected my space and was always there. This warms my heart. Knowing he is there for me, that, as he said, he'd always be there for me warms my heart and makes me wanna tell him. But while my heart tells me to trust him and let him help me my brain keeps telling me not to as he'll leave me as soon as I tell him.

"I found a good one." Ian says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"That's great!" I say and quickly turn around when I realize I've been staring.

"We need flour, eggs, salt and olive oil for the pasta and spinach, ricotta cheese, an egg and parmesan cheese for the stuffing." He says and helps me taking the ingredients out.

"Ok. We have everything. Let's do it." I say once all the ingredients are on the kitchen island. "Let me just go get 2 aprons. Something tells me we'll end up covered in flour."

I get 2 aprons from the drawer and throw one at Ian before I wear mine. When I look up at him I can't contain my laughter. I gave him a pink apron that has flowers everywhere.

"You look-"

"Didn't you have something more girlish to give me, Goose? I look ridiculous in this." He says, trying to sound serious, but quickly joins my and starts laughing.

"No, you don't. You look amazing." I say and take a picture of him, without him noticing.

"Shall we start? It's getting late and this might take a while."

"Just tell me what to do."  I reply.

We weigh the flour and start mixing all the ingredients. Each of us makes our own pasta. Ian is in front of me, on the other side of the island, and I start laughing once again when I look at him and see him in that apron.