SugarVenom

Goodnight

          Yeah this isn't going to be your typical "phase diary". This is my story. My explanation of why I am, not bitter, but not sweet either. The few reasons why I have trouble trusting. My answer to the question, "what happened to you?". Enjoy.
          March 2017... that month, I'd say was rough. Barely a couple of weeks, I had ben with Isaiah, a guy who I found out was using Grindr while we were dating so I cut him off as soon as I found out. I honestly wasn't hurt, but what he told me was this... "you know... this is why so many people leave you. You being this petty and clingy is why you cant keep someone happy." These words sparked the realization that, he was probably right. That past December, Matt, the sweetest guy to ever cross my path commited suicide. And the fact that I wasn't able to keep him in my life broke me down. After my break up with Isaiah, I didn't eat, sleep or talk to anyone. I completely isolated myself.
          I was done with the rejection from my mother who admitted to the fact of me being an accident. And also to not ever listening to a word I'd say to her. I had a mental breakdown in the middle of class just a few days after that caused me to get in trouble and since my mother was no help since "I had never told her about my depression"... I essentially was in deeper shit.
          March 15th around 1 a.m.... I decided I wasn't going to take it anymore. I sneaked out of the house, obviously leaving behind my suicide note since I didn't have plans of returning home that night. I went to the tallest building at my school. To the very top. I explained my last wishes and basically was saying my goodbye to my best friend, who was trying to change my mind. She added me to to a group chat where she had all her friends accidentally when she attempted to add me to a suicide support group on kik. I was honestly just tired of it so to make her happy I just said "Hi" to both groups. No response from the support group.
          However, just a couple of minutes later, I got a response the friend group.
          His name was Uriel... we talked till 3 a.m.
The sweetest things were said from his side. The fakest from mine. I didn't want him to know what was going on. But I also didn't want him to believe that I was going to be around long.
          I finally gave in when he said the simplest phrase... "wanna talk tomorrow?"
          I agreed.
          I felt horrible.
          I went home. And tried to sleep.
The next couple of days we talked over the phone. I slowly fell in love. He got to meet my parents. They loved him. Probably more than me. I got to meet his mom. Everyhing was great.
          A month later. He fucked up. Bad.
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Hey guys... so... this is really emotional to write so this is where I'll end this first chapter. Don't worry you wont have to wait for the next one... just wanted you guys to know what this part of my life did for me.
~Lana