universe.

fishes = catholism

have you ever had one of those mornings? where you literally can't remember what happened the previous night? well that's what's happening now.

my head throbbed with a vengeance, and it felt worse than that one time i accidentally ran into a dobermann while it was eating. to cut a long short, the dog basically sucker punched me with its hind legs. downing some advil and water, my throat muscles grew taut as i clenched my teeth.

despite knowing that my body would murder me if i left the comfort of my home, i took my bag and prepared myself for the hell hole that's school.

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slamming my locker shut with much force, im surprised that the whole line of lockers didn't fly off to jupiter. it had shocked me so badly that i was quite sure i'd give every defibrillator a run for their money.

standing behind my locker was brett, my best friend, with a stupid grin on his face. "dude did you see the look on your face? you looked like a ghost just scared you!" he said, before breaking out into a laugh.

but what caught my attention wasn't my friend's laugh, it was a girl i'd never seen before. she was wearing an oversized mustard yellow hoodie, with a pair of skinny black ripped jeans. she was also very tall and lanky, almost like a bamboo stick. i'd only caught a glimpse of her, but as she walked past, i kept on staring at her back as it grew smaller and smaller.

"hey," brett said, breaking me out of my daze. he nudged my side with his elbow, a confused look on his face. "dude did you hear what i said?" he asked. i was so tranced that i didn't even notice my other close friend, j tyler, had joined us. which was surprising as his overpowering cologne once made a girl he walked past faint. like, actually knocked out. she was sent to the hospital and we didn't see her for three days. her dad tried suing j tyler but there weren't any witnesses around except for brett and i, so his case was a losing battle from the start. (bunnymutant LXVEYOUGOODBYE basically a hotter and younger version of mr shyam)

"uh just tell me during lunch," i said. before brett could even think of replying, i was already halfway through the hallway and to my classroom.

in the classroom, there wasn't anyone else except for the unknown girl. i'd gotten a better look of her when she looked up to see who had walked in, before looking back down at her book. she was very pretty, two large emerald green eyes paired with the clearest skin i'd ever seen. her hair were in curls, a deep hazelnut shade of brown tinting it.

i sat next to her, wanting to make small talk with her. but before i could, i was ever so rudely cut-off by a screaming bell and a flood of students pouring into class.

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i made my way into the canteen, my mood slightly dampened by my failed efforts to talk to her. i didn't even get her name. but i sat down at the table j tyler, brett and i usually sat at. awkwardly cutting into their heated conversation, i asked, "what happened?"

"i drew this fish and j tyler," brett said, stopping halfway to glare so strongly at j tyler that i thought j tyler would melt right then and there. he didn't, but at the very least he should have had two holes in his body from the metaphorical lasers shooting out of brett's eyes. "said that the tongue i'd drawn looked like a dick sticking out of its mouth. and i am currently outraged, offended, and upset!" he continued, trying his best to frown while he tried not to burst out laughing.

"do you think that like, fishes have virginity?" j tyler asked, a geniune look of curiousity on his face.

"dont female fishes poop out their eggs and the guy fish just go, bloop bloop bloop on the eggs with his semen?" i replied, furrowing my eyebrows.

"do fishes have catholism? like, then whats virgin mary? every fish would be virgin mary since all fishes are virgins, so all fishes would be jesus since mary would technically be their mother. but, jesus is the fisher of men. woah i just created fishception." brett said, looking like he just made the biggest discovery of all time. j tyler had a very amused face, and i was just confused. "so jesus can't just walk on water, he can swim in water as well!" brett added on.

"@ pope francis @ roman catholic church @ the vatican make your move stinkys 😫😫" (a/n don't ask me how j tyler can say out the emoji, i dont know either hh) j tyler said, flipping his non existent long hair.

"wait, wasn't there one parable where jesus was with a crowd of 5000 people or something and then the people started getting hungry so a boy gave jesus his 5 fish and 2 loaves and some magic happened and everyone was fed with fish and bread?" i replied with a question.

j tyler and brett looked at each other, before brett asked, "then when jesus fed his disciples during the last supper he gave them his blood and body. what is a fishes blood?"

j tyler thought for a while, before saying, "during holy communion don't they give grape juice or something? so fishes bleed grapes, thus fishes are grapes and grapes are jesus."

before saying anything else, i picked up the bunch of grapes on my tray and kept them inside my pocket. when brett shot my that "what the hell are you doing" look, i said "i don't want to harm jesus." i then added on, "fish = grapes = jesus = catholism. so catholism = grapes, meaning that grape eaters are eating the entire catholic religion. but then what do actual fishes become? are they human? are they grapes? then what are humans?" i asked, delving deeper into the rabbit hole.

"maybe the entire world and everyone in it is a fish. thats why they say that we're created in god's image and god created the world?" brett added on. "therefore grapes, fishes and humans are the holy trinity." brett said, clasping his hands together and imitating an exploding action.

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a/n okay hi this is the first of many crappy chapters to come??? also idk whether the fish religion part would be offensive :/ but it was actually based of a conversation between my friend and i hh
also the characters are based off the band members of half•alive. if you havent listened to them before and you're just so coincidentally a tøp fan (like me)/part of a band fandom with similar music/just wanna try something new, you should listen to them !! theyre vv underrated