Three Am Thoughts

My Three Am Thoughts

I am so lost...
And I can not be guided.
I am so scared...
The blackness is thickening and I'm so blinded...
Am I a fool?
Do I stay and wait?
Do I play your game?
Possibly pay the ultimate price and risk myself?
Or do I turn away?
Leave for I know its practically a set up and waste of time...

You kiss me at night and tell me you like me and just to wait patiently.
Yet you bearly look at me in daylight some days or acknowledge me at all...

I am not a puppet..
I am not a toy..

Am I forever the fool who let's her emotions blur her view?

I just don't know anymore,
Is it worth it?
Do I stay or do I just turn away and go home?

Am I wanted or am I just overstaying my welcome..

I would give everything for you to see me the way I see you..
To feel the way I feel about you..

Youv become my safe place here and now I don't know where that is anymore.

Please put me out of my misery so I know whether to destroy my emotions and rebuild yet again whilst in anguish or if I let my emotions run wild and stay so vulnerable...

These are the thoughts that wake me at night... That stop me from sleeping...
The fears that hide deep within my soul..

I need to know do you want me to or was I once again another notch? Another toy to keep you entertained until you get what you really wanted...

I am falling... Slowly but either way still falling but rn I don't know who will catch me, if anyone's even there to catch me or will I hit the bottom and shatter into a million pieces once more?