Fuckboys | On Hold

05 | hard-earned

babes, 

i'm so sorry! school and life have not been treating me well and it's been awhile. i'm hoping to get back into it in the coming months though, so expect more from me. 

this chapter is pretty lighthearted and you'll get more of an impression of lessy and what her relationship with seth was like. hope you like - no, i hope you love - it!

x mor

05 

HARD-EARNED

IT'S LATE BY the time I get home.

I stumble into my bedroom, flicking my lamplight on as I collapse into my chair. I stare at my bed longingly, but I've got work to do.

I rip out a clean sheet of paper, rubbing my forehead in frustration when the edge rips, creating a jagged edge. I toss the paper into the wastebin, ripping another piece out. This time, I print his name with a red pen, smack dab in the middle of the paper.

SETH FINLEY.

Seb's words echo through my head, clearing space for the doubt that now seeps into my thoughts. I can't promise myself that I won't become involved again. I left him once, what he did was unforgivable, but feelings can't be controlled -

I shake my head. If I become involved - a big if - I'll have the sense to leave again. And, I remind myself, that's the way it's always been. Feelings might be senseless, but I'm not.

Mollified, I pick up the pen again. Cheating, I think to myself, is a secret. The biggest secret someone could possibly ever have - hiding your feelings, no matter physical or emotional, from the person you're supposed to share every inch of yourself with. The only reason I found out about him was because -

Gain his trust. I write in capitalised letters. Learn every single thing about him, again. Know him like the back of your hand, again. See the cracks in his facade, again.

That night, I managed to write out the entirety of my scheme. The only thing that would stand in my way would be - well, myself.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Seth looks up warily as I slide into the seat directly across him in the library. He's always here on Saturday afternoons, working. I don't look at him, instead I slide my laptop out of my messenger bag, stacking my chemistry and biology books on the table.

I rummage through my bag for my pen, and when I look up again, Seth is hurriedly stuffing his wad of papers back into his backpack.

I stare at him in disbelief. "Are you seriously leaving because I sat down? Are you fucking kidding me? What are we, three? Do I have cooties?"

He shoots me a glare. "Well, I'd prefer not to get mauled to death again."

I scoff, tossing my hair back. "Oh, please. I barely touched you. In fact, you should thank me. Who else would touch you willingly?"

If looks could kill, I would be a 500-pound woman who decided to belly flop from the top of the Shard straight onto the beautiful concrete streets. I smile angelically at him, but when he grabs his bag and pushes his chair back, I stick a leg out to stop him.

"Hey." I say, pushing past my pride. I would literally rather stab myself to death than apologise to this puddle of waste product. "I offer you my condolences. For the pain the slab of meat below your eye and next to your nose suffered from the physical impact that my palm created when it made contact with the area."

He levels a dead stare at me until I sigh. I would literally rather want to impale myself on this desk with a blunt pencil than apologise to this walking scum-pond. "Okay, I'm..." I drag the word out, practically whispering. "Sorry."

He grins at me with the brightness of a million-watt LED lightbulb. It honestly wants to make me kill myself, but I just smile - rather, I grimace happily - back at him.

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?" He says, cheerily stacking his books back onto the table.

"No." I mutter, pushing my hair behind my ears.

Awkward silence reigns for a few seconds after that, before I cough lightly and ask, "So, what are you doing here?"

What a fucking smooth topic transition. Just apologise for smacking his brains out and then go like hey, what's good in the hood, fella?

Then, we both look around for a few seconds at the rows of bookshelves and people with earbuds in, working over books and laptops. I mentally facepalm. It's a... library...

Seth simply smiles at me, just as awkwardly, and replies: "I'm... doing some work, and borrowing some books. Yeah. What about you?"

At least there's someone out there more socially inadequate than me. I smile back, wanting to just leave and curl up in a ball at home. "Yeah. Bonus, though - I'm also reading a book." I pick up my heavy textbook and wave it around like an idiot. 

Awkward silence falls again. This fucking plan is not gonna work, I think to myself, if he just leaves because I sound like a creepster.

So I force an even brighter smile onto my face. "Hey, want to grab a bite to eat or something? I'm starving." I make a big show of checking my watch. "It's been like, what, three hours since breakfast?"

He chuckles awkwardly. "Yeah, sure."

We pack up our stuff and leave the library. Outside, it's sunny but chilly, and I think to myself that it's too much of a beautiful day to spend with this walking sack of shit.

Suck it up, I think to myself. You don't even have it that bad - I mean, some poor woman at NASA is probably getting mansplained by a janitor right this moment.

"So what've you been up to?" He breaks the silence. I take a quick glance at him - he's looking forwards, floppy brown hair shielding his eyes. The afternoon sun hits him at just the right angle, making his jawline and cheekbones glow. In that moment, I'm reminded of a day just last summer, his head on my lap, his eyelashes fanning across his cheekbones as he napped. I ache for just a moment before smiling.

"You know, here and there." I push a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Not much to do around here - I'm bored as hell. You?"

He grins at me. "Been living the boring life for awhile, but I'm heading to a club with some people tonight."

Score! If anytime's the time to cheat - it's in a club. Ha. I try to hide my eagerness. "Really? Oh my god, me too!"

He turns to me, obviously surprised, since I just told him I was basically a sack of waste lying at home all the time. "What club are you planning on heading to?"

I rack my brains for local clubs, and blurt out, "Celestial! The one off Cherrington's."

He tilts his head at me. "Nice club, bit overpriced." I nod my head as if, totally, yeah, overpriced, wow, I knew that. "I'm going to Mad Horse, just next to Voux Street."

I have never fucking heard of that place. He could've told me he was going to Azerbaijan and I would have known more about the damn place. "Wow, yeah! Radical!" I cringe. I actually said radical. In an actual conversation. Fuck my life. "I love that place. I go there all the time."

He shakes his head at me, obviously even more confused. "It opened a week ago. That's why I'm going - just to check it out."

FUCK. I fake-laugh. "Oh, the new one! Oh, I thought you meant... the other Mad Horse."

"I've never heard-" He begins, but decides to drop it. "That's cool."

Despite the amount of embarrassment this... conversation brought me, I smiled to myself. Fuck yes, looks like I'm catching a cheater tonight.