What about suicide?

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It was 3:00 a.m ......
Rain was falling still  then..thunder, drizzling .....terrified clouds when all of a sudden it became dark everywhere. The weather report was not well. It was the terrace of our PG....everyone was sleeping . I slightly climbed up the stairs. Anushka was deep in her sleep. I found it the best time to commit suicide ,( yeah I really wanted to do so....infact there was no reason to live my life anymore without the person with whom I wanted to live forever ...) My life became a hell after I met Rehan ...I tried not to fall in love with him...but couldn't resist ....maybe God has made Rehan and Sayantika for each other . I was just a third party who destroyed their happy blissful life. It destroyed me too....when I ask my heart it instructs  me to confess but my mind  it says "Natasha don't confess ....it will destroy your friendship ....you will be seen through the eyes of hatred ....".
No I didnt want that to happen even...finally I decided to jump over the periphery of my terrace and close my eyes forever .
Suddenly I heard a scream from downstairs ...it was Anushka ...I then ran up to her.
" what happened Anushka? "I asked immediately.
"There was a cock....cock..roach...a cockroach inside my blanket!!"
She chuckled.
"Are you mad Anushka ?"
She remained blank.
"It's OK....cockroach is gone ..." I calmed her.
Gawshh!! She is so much afraid of cockroaches ...I really didn't know that.
"Where were you by the way?"
"Was having a walk outside."
"Okay" Anushka nodded.
My this scheme also failed.

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