15/12/2024
I wake up. My cheeks are wet of tears and my hear was sticking on my cheeks because of it. I remove my dyed hair out my face out of frustration. Usually I would let it stick to my face and take a shower like that. This time it felt like there were a lot of spiders stuck on my face. I'm terrified of spiders. I got up and got changed, I didn't care about taking a shower or what kind of clothes I wore due to the fact I feel deeply depressed. I went out, I wanted back to the garden. It felt so nice and calming there, like I'm in heaven there. But here, here it feels like hell.
"Do you believe in heaven and hell, Nabi?" That sentence is on repeat in my head. It has been a couple years since I last saw you. Since I touched you for the last time. You told me to wait for you, till you returned to me. You moved on, leaving me behind. It hurt, It hurt like Hell would burn. Because what you gave me was pure Heaven.
My favorite café. That's where I saw it. Somewhere hidden in a corner. A rose that looks like a rainbow. On a small round wooden table with a small cherry blossom pattern on it. Two empty chairs. Our seats, no one sat there other then we did. The boss of this café told me that once. Couldn't see why, it was a lovely spot. A woman walks up to me. blocking the few to the rose that looks like a rainbow, as I now had moved my gaze to it fully. I look up at the woman in front of me. At first I don't recognize her. "Where's my hug Nabi? or are you done with hugging your friends?"
My eyes widen in shock, I haven't seen her in years and now she's telling me she is right in front of me? after that phone call four years ago she never called or showed her face to me. I almost couldn't remember her at all, was it that easy to forget my best friend? She changed more than she ever did before. "Hachi, it has been a long time" I quickly stand up to hug her. Almost knocking over the chair. "Watch out clumsy, I don't remember that you were the clumsy one here." She giggles when she says that in the hug.
"Why did you suddenly pop up?" I have tears in my eyes. I missed her so much in my life, but never found her anywhere. I searched social media, even went to parts of the world looking or her. While pretending to be on a vacation with him of course. I would enjoy my time with him there and pay full attention, but still in the back of my mind I would look for Hachi. "About everywhere, when I was done seeing the world I returned here. It happend that I arrived yesterday." It didn't really make sense, but she wouldn't lie to me. We never lied to each other about everything and always kept our secrets. We kept them in a small book we wrote in trough the year. At the end of the year, when the fireworks exploded in the sky making beautiful and colorful patterns we burned that book. bought a new one and wrote our secrets in it. Never the same secrets, always a different color notebook. It's that Hachi isn't part of that friend group, she never would be.
"What happened to you Nabi?" I look at her in confusion. "Did I change that much to you?" She smiles and nods her head. "Yes you did indeed." "I can say the same to you Hachi." I did change a lot. Even tho I don't want to admit it, I changed. I started changing the day we were walking. Both at the beginning of the street. Both walking at the same speed. The day I met you, the day I got that phonecall. Not only did I change emotionality I also changed in appearance. I had my so called glow up.
"Hana dul set. You look like you're stuck somewhere in your mind Nabi, say it with me. Hana dul set." "Hana dul set." I mumble. This was one thing we used to do. When one of us was there with bad thoughts we would say 'Hana dul set' and forget the bad thoughts. It's something from a song. Stupid, but it did help us trough some difficult times.
"Why did you show up? Why now? Why not when I needed you?" The birds outside stopped chirping. The few people in the café stopped talking. Everything went dead silent. Even the big clock above the entrance stopped ticking at 6:00 pm. I looked her in the eyes. I wanted her to say it, say it out loud where everyone could hear it. I needed to hear her betrayal.
Nothing, she said nothing. Tears started to well up in my eyes. A thought came up in my head. Did he know? What she did? What I used to do? Maybe that is why he left me. I haven't done it in forever. Life was hell for me and that was also the place I was going to be after I died. If not I would be a ghost, haunting the people who deserve it. After putting me in a position like this. But I knew. The only one who put me into this position is me.
A single dramatic tears rols over my cheek. After crying for so many times I would've thought I couldn't cry more. It didn't seem to get to her. Maybe she thought it was just an act, that I did it for the attention. I point to the flower. The rose that looks like a rainbow.
"Do you believe in heaven and hell, Hachi?" "Why?" "We would end up in hell, you and me. You know what we did and why I'm here. You know why you returned here even tho you don't want to say it." there is a long silence. A painfully long silence. I stand up, pay for my drink and walk away. When I walk away I let my hand run over the small round table with the cherry blossom pattern and the rose that looks like a rainbow.
Somewhere hidden in a corner. A rose that looks like a rainbow on a small round wooden table with a small cherry blossom pattern on it. Two empty chairs standing by the table.
I take one last look at Hachi turn around and head back to my place. I stop at the corner of the street. the roses are still blood-red, but one rose is turned light pink.
