I Met You When I Was 18 (#IMYWIW18)

#49 "Josh"

(Edited Ver. Uploaded At 19/08/25)

# Charlie Puth - Done For Me (Feat. Kehlani)

(Josh's POV)

I stared at my bedroom ceiling, lost in my own thoughts. There were so many things to be told, to be answered. And I was keeping it all inside me.

It was driving me mad.

I wanted to tell Lissy everything. But I couldn't. Not right now.

You see, if you have a secret, it slowly starts to consume you. The bigger the secret is, the bigger the guilt. I was afraid Lissy would find out my secret from somebody else. I was afraid she might never want to see me when she finds out the truth. I couldn't let her go when it was so freaking hard to get her in the first place.

I watched her from far for one whole year. It was a complete torture, seeing her all happy with her friends, even when I wasn't in her life. I couldn't say the same for me. I was miserable.

All those meaningless parties were a desperate plea. My frantic effort. Begging her to notice me. She never did. Until that day at the university.

When she walked up to me, I hoped. Maybe she knew who I am. Did she recognize me?

When she acted like I was a total stranger, I was livid. Why should I be the only one to chase? I had come all the way back to my old hometown with only one purpose. To see her. I was miserable the whole time when I was apart from her, and I thought she would feel the same way. I wanted her to come to me this time. I watched her from afar, hoping that she would come up to me and ask me whether I was that kid. She didn't.

When she became close to me, relied on me, I was happy like I never was. I finally held her in my arms and I never wanted to let her go. But the secret I have been hiding was nagging at my back. She knew nothing about me and keeping a secret from someone you love just ruins the whole relationship. I knew that. I had to act fast If I didn't want to lose her. I forced myself to open up. I failed.

I stood up from my bed and opened my nightstand. I chuckled as I looked at the picture that I had been treasuring all this time. Young Lissy was grinning up at me, her front tooth missing. She was adorable then, and more adorable now. The end of the picture was slightly burnt off. I quickly put the picture back in its original place.

We still had three dates. She deserved the truth and the truth was bound to come up soon. I already planned everything out, and by Thanksgiving, she would finally know everything.

I was scared out of my mind. If she decides to leave me, I think...I would let her go. Even if I love her, I know that she deserves better than me.

I would just have to savor every moment with her till Thanksgiving.

The last line she said still filled my head, repeating itself over and over again.

'I fell for you so deeply that I don't think I can let you go even if you murdered someone.'

But will you? Will you stick around when you find out I actually killed someone?

I sighed as I flopped back on my bed, covering my eyes with my sheets. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. I could feel the flames flicking against my skin. I shut my eyes and wrapped the sheets around me like that could protect me. But how could it when the flames were inside me? The guilt, The Ifs...So many Ifs.

If I hadn't been so dumb that day...

If I didn't pull that idiotic stunt...

Maybe they would still be alive.

🌟

Updating new chapters is so hard with all the essays and exams being thrown at my face :(

University schedule sucks so bad..! I literally have no day off LOL

Monday to Friday, excluding Thursday is school which takes 4 hours to commute, Thursday I go to an English academy to teach kids, and I work at my part-time job till 11 PM on weekends...

When am I supposed to write new chapters? 8ㅅ8

Anyways, Don't forget to smash that star button/comment if you like this chapter! XD

It motivates authors!

Tell me what you think Josh is hiding :)