My heart thudded so loudly in my chest I could hear it in my ears. I shifted around nervously in the cold green waiting room chair. "Stop fidgeting." Lyle said annoyed. He is really temperamental when he gets nervous. We both hated going to the doctor with a burning passion. Unfortunately this was the second doctors office we'd sat in today. Right now we were waiting to see Dr. Randal a Physiatrist that Dr. Burge, my Pediatrician, had prescribed for me to see. Dr. Burge had said she thought I was experiencing a mild case of psychosis and that she needed a Physiatrist to confirm her diagnosis. My first thought had been what is psychosis? I've never been really good with medical terms. She gave me pamphlets and ever since I laid eyes on the title cover I'd been praying her diagnosis was wrong. If she was right I would be legally crazy! On the first page it had said Psychosis is defined as a severe mental disorder in which contact with reality is lost or highly distorted.
"Moe?" My head shot up and I came face to face with a very professional looking woman. Her blonde hair was tied up in a bun and she was in a grey suit paired with a pair of black glasses. "Right this way." She said politely leading Lyle and I to a dull clinical looking room. She had us sit on the black couch in front of her desk and she took a seat in front of us. I squirmed around uneasily while she wrote something down on her clip board. "You seem nervous." She observed. Wow she's a genius I thought sarcastically. I only nodded in response to her observation instead of making a snide remark. "So I hear you're having some bad dreams and..." she paused to turn the page "hallucinations?"
"Yep." I said not sure what else to say.
"Do any idea what could be causing your dreams? Any recent diet changes or sleep habits, nasty blows to the head?"
"No, no, no, and no." I said. She continued listing off possible causes and after awhile we started talking about feelings and then she had me describe the dreams and hallucinations to her. Finally she said she would like us to wait in the waiting room and she would be with us in a moment. I walked to the same chair I had been sitting in earlier and flopped into it. Lyle slowly sat in the seat next to me his, eyes greyer than I had ever seen them, looking exhausted. "You look dead." I commented. He looked at me and gave me a weak smile.
"This from the girl who's insane." He joked. I knew he was joking but for some reason it really hurt. I didn't ask to be insane, I didn't feel any different than I had before except I'm a little for tired than I had been before but... I trailed off in my head knowing the thought wasn't worth finishing. "Moe, I was just trying to lighten the mood. It was just a joke." He said as tears welled up in my eyes.
"Very funny." I scoffed as a tear rolled down my cheek. "We don't know for sure that I'm nuts." I said trying to calm myself. "They aren't sure yet." I was talking to myself now. I silently prayed to god, something I hadn't done in a while, and begged for this not to be psychosis.
"I know. It's going to be okay." He said reassuringly as he leaned over the arm of my chair to bring me into a big bear hug. I hugged him back and bawled into his shoulder all I could think was why me? I heard someone clear their throat and I looked up from Lyle so I could glare at Dr. Randal. I suddenly understood the phrase 'kill the messenger.'
"I'm sorry to interrupt." She began not sounding sorry at all "but I would like to speak with your brother for a moment." Lyle got up and began walking toward her and into her office. I glared at the floor thinking of all the possibilities. What if they shipped me away or locked me in a crazy house?! By the time the door opened and Lyle walked out, I was hyperventilating. "Thanks for everything Dr. Randal." I heard a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He strutted over to me looking pained "Come on sis" he said gently grabbing my arm pulling me along with him.
"What'd she say Lyle?" I demanded as I walked his pace. He just looked at me briefly and kept walking "Lyle!" I stopped walking and just stared after him. He was really scaring me. He stopped and turned around looking weary.
