Dear Lord & Reader,
Its been probably 2 or 3 days since my last entry. School wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, still though I want to homeschool. My mom is starting to collect documents and things for me to start on that so yay! Today though I went to see the JPO officer and my dad showed up... Now you don't know much about him yet but this is the first time I'm seeing him since September of last year (2017). It felt so good to see him and hug him & my step mom. But it also hurt so much. Before I even got out of the car, I saw them and broke down within seconds.
My mom had to all but drag me into the building. As you can imagine, hime and my mom did not have a pleasant conversation while we were there. Thankfully I got off with just some counseling which I already have to do anyway. When I got into the car, I broke down sobbing... I haven't cried like that in a long time.
I can't help but to ask, why? Why do I deserve this kind of pain? Why do not deserve a happy and together family? Why did my dad have to go to prison? Why does he treat me like this? Why does my step dad seem to love me more than the man who made me? Why does it still hurt so much, like someone is stabbing me in the heart?
Thankfully my mom didn't make me go to school after what happened, I don't think I could handle it. Before going into the building I was a crying, shaking mess.. The panic attack hit me so hard and made me so scared to take even one step in there near him.
I wish I could lay down and just not think or feel anything at all.. I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up till I'm 18 and be able to go as far away from all of this as possible. Sadly wishes rarely come true for me.. I'm so tired and I can't say anything about it to my mom cause she gets scared that I'll hurt myself or try to take my own life again. Yes, again. I've attempted it probably three times but it would seem that its not in the Lords plan for me to leave this world though. Most of the time I'm grateful for it nut right now.. well I'm just really tired.
All I will say for now... Stay lovely.
Annah
YOU ARE READING
Dear Lord, its me Annah
Random"Our names may stay unknown, but our actions will never be forgotten" -Anonymous I've always loved the internet for its hidden secrets and how everything can be anonymous, a world biggest secret could be told by anyone but no one knows who said it...
