Catching Feelings

CHAPTER I

I've been thinking a lot about him lately. Thoughts a friend shouldn't be thinking of toward a friend who is only platonic.  Everything about him seem to be attractive to me, his smile, his eyes, his lips, his fingers especially the way they glide whenever he is playing his guitar. I fantasize about him and all the things we would do as lovers.

Him: hey there,

Me: hey, what's up?

Him: how are you today? I didn't see you at school. What happened?

Me: I'm fine. I didn't feel like seeing people.

Him: including me?

Me: Especially you. Don't act like you didn't know you hurt me.

Him: I didn't. I just told you to chill.

Me: what do you mean by chill? I told you I loved you and all you have to say is chill? I use to think you thought more of me but now I know I don't give a fuck about me or anyone else.

Him: what did you expect me to say? That i love you? That will be a lie and when I don't act like I do, you'd say I broke your heart. I don't want to lie to you or hurt you. You mean a lot to me but not as a lover.

Me: but I want you to be my boyfriend. We are friends and we are close. It just feels right.

Him: we can't cross that line babe. I got to crash. Be good.

Me: typing...

*last seen one minute ago*

Me: fuck you!

I can't sleep. I toss on my bed. I wonder why he doesn't feel the same way about me. I wonder why I am not enough. I check my phone again but he's still offline. I check Facebook and scroll through his timeline but there's nothing I've not seen before. He has a charming smile but he hardly smiles in his pictures. I go through the pictures we took at the beach and I love the way he carried me over his shoulder. I remember he was trying to prove that I was light as a feather. I'm still looking at his pictures when I fall asleep.