Lost eternally

'Always me before anyone.'

 I have everything. Everything that anyone would ever hope for. Love, respect, family, wealth and power. It is like I have achieved the true goal of my life. Not only me but my friends and family as well. We have everything and we could do anything. Life is good, we were living in harmony and peacefully. But like the saying goes by, no pain no gain, no sacrifice no victory.

A wise man once told me that in order to achieve your dreams, intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or unconsciously, we crush other people's dreams. This spark a war occured out of anger, fury and rage. Creating an endless cycle of hatred and vengeance.

I did so many wrong things in the past. I made wrong decisions. Took the wrong path. I regretted each and everyone of it but there is nothing I can do to rewrite the history.In order to achieve this goal, I killed people. Man or woman, old or young, sick or healthy, rich or poor, enemies or allies, I killed them all, tortured them, drowned them in a agony maelstrom.

But why would I do this sort of things that would bring shame to me. Things that would haunt me for eternity even after death. Why? People keep asking me this. Why? Simple,I did this things so that love ones wouldn't have to. I dirtied my hands so that the ones that I care for would stay clean. For them to have a future, I would do anything. They were my everything. They were my soul, my heart, my strength, my power, my future, my pride, they were me. Ironically and coincidentally, those were also the aspects of myself that I sacrificed for a better future. I sacrificed those things and in return, they gave me back those things, they became my everything. For them I would even gave all of myself just so they could have a future, with or without me.

Now, my dark past came back. I should have known this but I didn't want to believe it. I thought I would pay the price for my sins that I have committed in my past but no. It wasn't me that paid the price for my sinful past. Instead, the ones that I love were the ones that paid the price. They didn't after me first. They after my heart first. Then they did the same thing I did to them, they cut off my eye lids, fingers, toes and skin and force me to watch my love ones suffered in agony before killing them in the most gruesome ways possible right in front of me.

When they are done with them, they moved on to me. The main event. Like my love ones, they killed me in the most horrible manner but not before letting me suffered mentally or physically.

And so, I died. I died with anger, despair and vengeance. These emotions didn't let me stay dead. I came back. Not as a human but as a spirit. Not just any spirit but a Spirit of Vengeance. For years, I hunt those who killed my family and friends. It may not seems fair but life isn't fair. I knew that but my foolishness and arrogancy caused all of this. When I finally found them, I repeated the same thing they did to my love ones.

Some of them escaped and came back with newfound powers. They defeated me but they can't kill me. They thought they did but they didn't. After all, you can't kill what's already dead.

In order to end my vengeance, I go on a quest to seek more power. I gained lots of new powers, abilities and strength. Intrigued, I studied them. The powers, abilities and strength, all of them, I researched about them. Before I knew it, I gained a new thirst and it wasn't easy to be quenched.

Just like this, I lost myself. My quest for more power to seek my vengeance becomes nothing more than just a hobby. Before I realised it, I have forgotten all about it. About the reason why I wanted to obtain such power. I never knew....... I never dreamt that this would corrupt my purpose. For years, all I want is more and more power. I was so lost in it that even if I knew, I could never free myself from the webs. Forever entangled in it.

It was too late when I truthfully realised what have I done. My allies, my enemies, my friends, my families, even my vengeance, everything was gone. The only thing that's left was the used shell of vengeful spirit. Completely lost. There is nothing I can do to fix the past. I will have to live with it. The past is the past. But the future is still undecided.

I have so much power now. I have the power to decide my future. Change for the best. I could repent for my sins. A redemption. Or would I? Do I deserved to even have a future now? I could stay in the past, forever haunted by it but that is just the least of my punishment. There will be more. What should I do? I can't decide. I'm trapped between two distinct choices. I'm bound to choose one of the either but which one should I choose? Damnation or Salvation, I have to choose.

' Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde is not a story about good versus evil but how one should contain their darkness and what are the results if they should ever succumb to it. '