In the dark

Red

Beyond the point of breaking there's nothing left here for me. I wander around thinking why, why do I get up every day just so these people can tear me down. What's the point? Every day I'm living the same day over and over and it's hell. All the people around me enjoy seeing me in pain slowly suffering, fading away without a second glance, the only difference between every other day is each day I see your face. A face I long for, I want you but I'm just a nobody every day it gets worse. The pain won't stop. I see you and I fall apart just knowing I had you but you slipped away. Now you have her and I have nothing and no one. Why do I continue to let this pain get the best of me? Out of all the pain the bruises the cuts none of those compared to the pain I get when I see you, with her or when I see you at all. As the days go on the cuts get deeper and deeper each night and, one day this whole world in front of me suffocating me will slip and I'll finally be at rest. So maybe tonight while I sit alone just me and my blade in the dark. I'll cut a little deeper push a little harder praying that I'll slip into a permanent sleep, hoping no one comes in even though they'd just laugh and go back to their little perfect lives. Every day these fake smiles. These people who act like they care but, I can see through all their lies. They just don't want my death on their hands. So when I do slip into the darkness, they'll fake their tears saying they did everything they could but the one thing nobody ever did the one thing that would have saved me from all of this is three simple words, five seconds to stop and genuinely mean it. Three words that could have saved my life. "Are you ok?" Sure I probably would have said I'm fine and walked on but if you truly cared you would see the pain flooding my face. You'd see my eyes that have bags under them due to the lack of sleep. You'd see the redness in them caused by the tears that I shed each night screaming "when will it all end". The torture, the bullying. when will all the pain end? You would see the loose clothing I drown myself in to hide the fat. The hoodies I wear every day to hide the scars but, you're too caught up in the life and drama of the people higher up. The people that cause my pain. As I walk down the hall I see you with her, that bright smile that stretches across your face. The smile I know so well. I finally make up my mind, and when I get home tears running down my cheeks with the small metal object that I've become too long for in my hand. I can't help but smile, it's finally going to end I watch as the blood seeps out of my skin. I push harder as I slip into the dark. All I see is red, then black. It's finally over. I can now be at rest.