I was only two years old didn't know anything, but I remembered this, standing in front of a dead body while people crying around me then I knew who it was ... my dad . His face pale , I touched him but the only feeling I got from him was his ice cold soft hands and his body with an empty soul.
Then as my mom walked up and told me to come sit, while we are still in the funeral, to pray with the preacher. I couldn't speak because I was to young but I was just thinking who could have killed my daddy . I couldn't cry because I was still in shock of seeing him not alive saying there's my little girl.
Few years later life was getting even more rough my moms, mom, brother and others passed away so my mom had it rough also. she had to work very hard to feed me my brother and my sister because she was single .
Me ,my brother, and my sister had different dads. My brother was the oldest he is five years older than me and I'm one year older than my sister.
In kindergarten I was beginning to have feelings for girls and guys. I was young and didn't know anything or if any of it was a good or bad thing to be. I didn't know what it was called either .
Times was very hard when my mom had to go to work I'd have to stay home and watch my sister while my brother was at school and I stay home from school . my mom would always tell me
"Alyssa make sure you lock the door and don't open it for anybody"
And I would always listen to her . I had to always make sure my sister was happy and wouldn't cry because she'd get sad once she left .
In school I'd get bullied because I was a tomboy . I only hung out with boys and I loved to play sports.
One day I was hanging out with a girl I thought was my friend . she kept pushing me around and I was ignoring it . this other girl came and they both tried to put my head in the bathroom toilet but they couldn't because I was trying so hard not to get my head in there.
When they couldn't do it they said
" let's see if she can fit in the trash can"
they pushed me in the trashcan and rolled me out of the bathroom ... do you know what it feels like to be in a trashcan ... there was so much anger and betrayal in me .. being in that cold ,slimy ,and stinky trashcan.
After that experience I couldn't trust anyone .
