In the blink of an eye

Prologue

Have you ever been so afraid to be yourself that you can't breathe without feeling a heavy weight pressing down on your chest so hard you feel your lungs might collapse? Well that's how I feel, every hour of every day, the pain and aching of never truly being me, and if I'm honest there's nothing I can do about it. I'm that guy, you know, the one who sits at the back of the class head down, doesn't really talk but you know his name, average guy with average looks. Has a few friends but none of which he sees outside of school. Gets invited to parties but not because people know him or that he's popular but because he's in most of your classes and it's rude not to invite him. Yeah, I'm that guy.

However I didn't always feel like this, I had someone, once, someone who was so close to me it was like we were the 2 halves of the same person. They accepted me for who I was, made me feel loved and happy, something I haven't felt in a long time. Thinking about it now, I understand why they did it, why she left me. I think if I was here I would do it too, leave I mean.
Because let's face it, this world sucks, and sometimes, just sometimes, people deserve more than to be stranded on this fucking planet with people who don't give a shit wether you live or die, who don't care if someone's drowning, crying for help but their cries fall on deaf ears as they choke on their own pain and suffering that can't be eased by 'I'm here for you' or 'it'll all be okay'.Some people deserve to go somewhere else, somewhere peaceful.

So let me rephrase that, I know exactly why she left me, and I forgave her the moment she did, because I know it was for the best, for her. She deserved more than what this world could offer her, more than all the stars in the sky. I couldn't give her that, I couldn't make her happy. Although my heart aches and my eyes burn again and again when I think of her face or her smile or her voice, I know I couldn't do anything to help. But I do have one biggest regret, and I think it'll haunt me till the day I die, maybe even In death.

I never got to say goodbye.